A
female
age
30-35,
*xcsdiana
writes:Hey so my boyfriend and I had been together for not even a month when he broke up with me. He had broken up with me in the spur of the moment because my friend had gotten mad at him for not giving me the attention a long distance relationship requires. Several days later he told me that he had made a mistake and that he shouldn't have broken up with me but I told him that since we had only been broken up for such a short time, that I didn't want him to jump into a relationship and regret not having enough time to think about it. So we waited, and waited. He still talked to me as if I was his girlfriend and I admit, it was nice. However, it was also extremely confusing because I didn't know what he was expecting out of this. I told him that because we weren't together I was going to do my own thing and that hooking up with other guys was going to be one of those things. He seemed to be okay with it because we established a deal; we each would only hook up with people we have already hooked up with. A week and a half later, I slept with a guy that I used to sleep with last semester- I have no feelings for him whatsoever, I know how to separate my emotional needs from my physical wants. The reason I called him my boyfriend at the very beginning of this letter is because we are now back together.. I know he hasn't hooked up with anyone else, but I have. I don't really feel bad about it because we weren't together at the time, but I am just wondering... should I tell him that I slept with someone else while we were broken up, if he asks? Or should I just say no and let it slide so I spare his feelings?
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female
reader, zxcsdiana +, writes (23 February 2012):
zxcsdiana is verified as being by the original poster of the question You answer may have been somewhat useful? But it wasn't specific enough. Your second answer was much more helpful, so thank you for that. Two lines didn't really tell me much. I also know that I don't have any STIs because I actually JUST got tested and the results have already come through- I'm clean. @The anonymous girl, technically you are now involved in my decision making on my relationship so you have no right to say my friends should not be involved. I agree that she should not have said anything, but she spoke up for me, and I already said that he regretted it as soon as he broke up with me. That's not being a drama queen- that is also a very childish term to use. But I appreciate the feedback anyway! @DoubleM, your advice was really helpful, thanks so much. Yeah I know it was fast, but the guy I slept with was a friend, and we slept with each other several times already last year. I do not want to lie to him either so I'm glad you encouraged me to be honest!Thank you guys
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): My previous answer WAS useful. Condoms are not foolproof against STIs and they don't always do much to stop Herpes at all. If you have slept with someone else then you are risking passing something to him.
You may think the risk is acceptable but he is another person and he has the right to make up his own mind about things like that. I know that realistically it's not likely to change your BF's actions now but the principle of the thing matters.
I agree with DoubleM that there is no need to volunteer this fact without being asked. But if he asks you, or says things that show he is assuming you haven't slept with anyone else, you do owe him the truth.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): If u are a honest person u know what u need to do....
Dont think that he wont find out: the truth always does especially when least expected!
So either build a future with lies or start afresh without the lies.
Oh and by the way, your friend had no business interfering in your relationship. Stop being a drama queen and tell her to stop being one as well.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (23 February 2012):
 In my opinion, truth is always the best course, but I do not think you have to volunteer the information if not asked. That assumes that no exposure to sexual transmitted disease is involved.
You were basically "separated," and had not been seriously in a relationship anyway. Less than a month is practically nothing, but I'm more concerned that you would be intimate with someone so quickly. I'm trying not to judge, but sexual relations should be seriously considered. On the other hand, in my life, there were many intimate relations with women that occurred as rapidly, so who am I to criticize? But the truth, if needed, is always best.
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A
female
reader, zxcsdiana +, writes (23 February 2012):
zxcsdiana is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I don't have any... and I used a condom. That wasn't a very helpful answer.
I AM in love with him, and I don't want to lie to him. But I asked my mother what she thought seeing as she is my bestfriend, and she said it would jeopardize our relationship and make him feel bad, and that telling him would only make myself feel better.
So hopefully the next person that answers my question, will give greater insight.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012):
You only need to tell him if you live on a planet with STIs.
He has the right know if he is taking a new risk by sleeping with you again.
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