A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy for almost a year and been living together for 7 months. He's a wonderful person and I really love him and would never do anything to hurt him, but for the last 2 1/2 months I have been training at the gym with one of his best friends (he's a certified personal trainer that I pay) and I have the craziest, biggest crush on him - I feel like I'm 17 all over again, it's crazy. Should I tell him that I have a crush on him and then maybe it will pass? He knows that I would never do anything to hurt my boyfriend and I don't believe he would ever do anything either - but I think that the two of them are very much alike and but different in a few ways and maybe it's the unknown that drives me crazy - any thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. It's nice to have someone put things into perspective for me sometimes as a wake-up call and to just basically say "smarten up".
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (7 November 2007):
 Get a new trainer. Seriously.
Most people in long term relationships realize that while they may from time-to-time be attracted to someone else, it is acting on the attraction that constitutes cheating. You can control your thoughts to a certain extent, but sharing them with the person that you are attracted to is an "emotional affair". In your case, the physical aspect of being near him working out in a gym - it just screams "Get the heck out of this situation!!". His best friend? Wow. Can you imagine how messy this would be if it went any further? You would lose your boyfriend, or he would lose his best friend, or you would be stuck with one or the other and still have to constantly face up to the one whose relationship you screwed up.
Neither the trainer or your boyfriend have to know what has been going on in your head. There is no need to be "honest" or let the cat out of the bag because it is a just a fantasy, a school-girl crush. Wear a elastic band on your wrist and snap it the moment he creeps into your thoughts and GET A NEW TRAINER. You should be able to face him outside of the gym as your boyfriends best-friend if you take control of the situation if you stop this in it's tracks, right now. You may not realize it until you look back in a few months, but you said so yourself in your question - the thing that has drawn you to this guy is the fact that he reminds you of your boyfriend!!! You can simply tell them that your work-out sessions were not giving you the results that you wanted. Period.
It sounds like you are quite happy at home and to pursue this in any other way would put an end to that. It's normal to have day-dreams and fantasize, most people do find that they will be drawn to others on occasion, but it really is up to us to know where there is danger, what is becoming innappropriate and when to put on the brakes.
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