A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need help to try and rebuild relationships with my partners family and also stop hating myself for my past.I struggled a bit with anxiety and depression shortly after I got together with my bf of 5 years. This made building relationships with his family extremely hard and I think they thought I was really rude. When the truth was I was just so anxious about saying something silly, wrong or embarrassing myself I wouldn't say very little. No matter how often I was around them, I couldn't get comfortable. I convinced myself they hated me (I thought everyone hated me). One example would be when my bfs youngest niece was born. We went to see the baby and as always I was extremely anxious but I genuinely wanted to visit this new bundle of joy so made myself go. I got there and barely said a word. Didn't even say congratulations. I managed to muster a 'how are you doing' to my bfs sister- I had been with my bf 3 years by this point so I couldn't even use the 'nervous because we didn't really know each other'Now I have i under control I'm 98% back to my normal self, however I can't stop hating on my self for being this way. How they must of thought I was so rude and so quiet when that's far from it. It's definitely affected my relationship with them and I know that if I had just been my normal self from the start we would have gotten on fine and It certainly wouldn't have taken 4 years. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2017): Nowadays, people seem to be very short on forgiveness and difficult to offer reconciliations. The media and changes in social behavior have taught people to be stiff and opinionated; so if you don't make a good impression from the start, rebuilding trust and respect is twice as much harder.
I think it would be nice if you found some fancy stationary and colorful envelopes. Sit and hand-write a heartfelt letter. Take your time so that letter is clear and legible. Just write drafts from your heart until you say it they way you feel it deeply. Then finally write that letter word for word on the stationary.
Explain your reasons for why you behaved badly. Explain the nature of your illness. Include what you've told us. Ask to be forgiven and allowed another chance to make it up to them. Send a letter to each person individually. Provide your phone number; and ask if they would like to speak with you in-person, or over the phone.
Do not text or email. That is most insincere, detached, and cowardly. Reading a letter gives them time to think, not just react. Emotion cannot be conveyed by text or email.
People save love-letters because the sentiment comes through and the emotion is in the stroke of the pen. The time it takes to express the emotion and thought behind the words.
I have suggested this to many people I know personally; and none have comeback to tell me it didn't work.
You can mail it, or just leave in at their door.
Try it. Best of luck, sweetheart!
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (25 August 2017):
 If you can't say it out loud then write a card or send a small gift. It is OK to explain about your illness. People are very understanding once they know the reason.
And, if you haven't sought professional help yet then do so. You can't fix yourself, no matter what you read or how many self-help blogs you consume.
I hope you can soon sort this out.
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