A
female
age
36-40,
*elia Kate
writes:My boyfriend and have just broken up. The main problem in our relationship was that we never had time for eachother because of our demanding jobs. He got a relationship with someone at work, and that was when we broke up. We didn´t exactly part ways as friends, and he made quite clear that he never wanted to see me again. Yesterday I found out that I´m pregnant with him, and I´m kind of desperate. I don´t know what to do with this whole situation. Do you think I should tell him? I´m not even sure if I want to keep it. I really don´t think I´d be a good mother and I´m not ready for it at all. He always said he never wanted children, so I guess he wouldn´t be too thrilled anyway. Wouldn´t it be a bad idea to tell him this, while he has said he wants nothing to do with me, and maybe ruin his new relationship?thanks in advance,Celia
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female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (16 January 2009):
 Pinksky32002-
I have looked up abortion pictures online. From all stages. First trimester abortions. Second trimester abortions. Late term abortions. I DO NOT agree with abortions as a form of birth control. I believe that you should take precautions to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. I.E. Birth control, condoms or even abstinence. But, my dear, things happen. Condoms break, and pills can be missed in an honest mistake to the best meaning people. And a woman who has made precautions to prevent a pregnancy should be able to exercise her RIGHTS and have a choice. Do I agree with a woman going about, having unprotected sex without birth control, and aborting? Absolutely not. In that situation, I may see the abortion in a different light. Careless disregard for human life and ignorance.
I am indeed pro-choice. But I also have a girlfriend who has two children by two different men, and just last year had two separate abortions. In that situation, I wanted to grab her and shake her and tell her that she needed to either keep her pants on or figure out how to use a condom or better yet, get on SOME form of birth control. Because her actions were careless. She, in fact, was using abortions as a form of birth control. Absolutely insane!
Everyone has beliefs. I don't believe the way you think. You don't believe the way I think. Opinions are like butt holes. We all have them. And nobody's are more right here.
She has rights. She has choices. And you know what? I'm not going to scold her or look down on her for making a big choice. On her own, as a grown woman. We live in the great united states, where we are free to make these choices.
And yes. I do have a child. But I was ready for her. I wanted her. I made the CHOICE to have her. Sh*t happens sometimes and things don't always turn out the way you planned. And when that happens, you have choices in this country. And the person standing next to you should have NO say in what you do with that situation. I very well may not agree with things YOU have done in your life, thus far. But who the heck am I told chastise you for the choices you have made?
A
female
reader, pinksky32002 +, writes (16 January 2009):
and to mommyofone... I think you need to keep your mouth shut. If women are not ready to have children, they need to keep their pants up! and you don't need to be on here telling them differently. maybe you should go look up abortion pictures and see first hand what it's all about. babies are gifts from God... you are a mother you should know that. this is not a game. babies are alive when they are inside of the womb. they feel and hear. and if women can't handle the pressure for caring for their babies again, they need to keep their pants up!
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A
female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (16 January 2009):
I wouldn't tell him if you don't keep it. All that will do is cause extra drama between you two. Do you want that?
If you DO keep it, telling him or not will no doubt be a tough choice.
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A
female
reader, megan1111 +, writes (16 January 2009):
Celia, I just re-read your post. If you decide not to keep the baby, I would not tell him. You are very considerate of his new relationship; however, is this something you are pondering all by yourself. I mean, isn't better to take a girlfriend with you to the clinic if you decide terminate. Please don't go to the clinic along.
It's your body, your decision. I'm glad I had both but I believed God would make a way and He did. I didn't know how I would be as a mother and trust me, raising kids doesn't come with a manual. They change your life dramatically no matter what people say and they are a lot of work. They get sick, they get hunger, then they walk and get into everything. You never have much extra money because they need everything and depend on you for everything. But they put their little heads on you because you provide the little monsters their security, their warmth and their love - that's why we are called mothers. For nine months we cared for them and we continue to care for them not matter what. Not really trying to sway you, just providing you with some of the benefits. Because they will drive you crazy! Ask your mom, she will probably give you the best advice although Grandparents spoil the devil at of them after they've given you hell for having them.
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A
female
reader, megan1111 +, writes (15 January 2009):
I was in that situation. Tell him immediately!!! Sounds like your man was one who wanted the free milk without having to buy the cow. When you tell him make sure you let him know what you plan on doing with the baby. If you plan to I keep your baby, let him know because that's all he really wants to know (trust me). I am raising two children who I love very much (that have different fathers who are not in the picture), it can be done but it's hard as hell. Education is the key. I was ashamed but I had to seek help from the county (welfare) but look where I am now. I have an MBA and we are doing fine. I had to go through the phases where I was threatening with child custody, not wanting to pay child support (only one Dad does), and the whole visitation thing. In the end, like most single mom's, it's just me and my kids and we're okay. It was not easy and it's still difficult but do-able. Find a babysitter, that's the hardest.
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A
female
reader, Celia Kate +, writes (15 January 2009):
Celia Kate is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFlynn 24, I know we were both involved and both have a responsibility, but would never even consider not telling him if he hadn´t behaved the way he has. I haven´t seen him since we broke up, and he doesn´t want to see me at all. This would only make things worse..
Maybe, I should indeed tell him if I decide to keep it, as some other people suggested.
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A
female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (15 January 2009):
Oh lord. There goes flin24 again, a man, trying to tell a woman what is right for her womb. Flin, you have no idea how hard it would be to carry a human being within your very own body, labor and then deliver it, just to hand it over. That is something you will never understand. So really, your opinion on abortion is crap. You act as if it would be so easy. As easy as going and picking up a gallon of milk from the store. What if a woman is very well not be ready to handle a child? Carrying it will indeed bond her to that child. Then what, flin?? Her heart wins and she comes home with a baby she can't care for? Then will YOU take in her child into YOUR home and raise it??? Didn't think so. So how many of these children have you yourself adopted?(That statement I made was not directed at the original poster. That was about women in general who can't care for children, yet have them anyway.)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009): I'm pro-choice if that choice is made wisely and not selfishly like it most of the time.That said, no matter what happens, the father of that child deserves to know, right now. That baby is not YOURS. It belongs to both of you. You both had a hand in creating it and it now BOTH your responsibility to care for it, whether you want to or not.The father deserves to have his opinion (who knows he may warm to the idea of being a father) voiced and at the very least considered.Abortion is a serious issue that should NEVER be given to one person. Because the result affects more than just the mother. It affects anyone that doesn;t want the child to die, and in reality that is what you are doing. Ending the life of a child.I believe that it should not be considered except in the most dire of circumstances where it would be kinder to end it's life before it begins than let it live a life of misery.Please, consider adoption as a decent and proper alternative. Just make sure your details are left with the agency in case that child exercisies it's right one day to track you down and force you into your motherly duties.Flynn 24[moderator note: language was altered slightly to remove potentially hurtful words]
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): If you decide to keep the baby then tell him.If not then you don't have to and it can be your little secret.It all depends on what you want to do with the baby.If you decide to keep it here's a good book for you that can help with everything you needhttp://jamiew23.meridienpre.click2sell.eu
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female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (14 January 2009):
I wouldn't tell him until you are sure that you ARE keeping the baby. Now, let me tell you, I am very pro-choice. I believe in the womans right to choose and become greatly annoyed with poster like the second one on here, where they do not know your situation or your abilities to care for a child. Which by the way isn't easy. I've been doing it alone, which is a whole lot harder. I would make the choice on your own. And no, if you abort, you don't HAVE to tell him. He's the one acting like a jerk.
Its your choice. You have that right. Don't like right wing, pro-lifers get to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): I don't know what the right thing for you is, but if it were me i would ask myself in a few years would i be happy for my descision to abort the baby or not? then if i decide to keep the baby i would ask myself do i think my baby's father can add anything to my babys life.......if i thought he could i would tell him, if not let him go....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): Keep the Baby! Babies are gifts from God... and yes, you do need to tell him about you being pregnant with his child. Tell him you are keeping the child. He may change his mind that he wants children or he may not. either way you are going to have to count on no one but yourself. But whatever you do... Keep the child! It's not its fault you had sex with him. it's innocent. good luck.
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