A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My ex-girl friend wants to get back together with me after spending nearly a year apart. We had had a long term relationship (over ten years) but ran into problems sexually - I have a very high sex drive where she, for a number of reasons, didn't have one (or at least it died over the last five years). I like to have sex whenever i/we feel like it. Spontaneous. She always wanted to do it once a week. Almost like making an appointment!! We went 18 months without sex. Not surprisingly, we drifted apart.She says that she now knows that she was wrong and that she wants to change and get the chemistry back again and would go to councilling with me to help improve her sex drive.I have two problems:1. Is she just saying this to get me back or is she unable to change?2. She has asked me if i've had sex with anyone else since we split. I know how much it would cut her up thinking of her soul mate sleeping with someone else. Should I tell her that i've slept with someone else while we've been apart?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2007): You should tell her. Why keep skeletons in your closet to haunt you later. If you're going to build anything with her, truth is the best trust builder, period!!! If your not getting back together, I still feel you should tell her. Give her closure. Then, if you do at some later date get back together, she will already know what she's up against with your HUGE sex drive. By the way, are you ADHD? They are hyper-sexual.
A
male
reader, jay1986 +, writes (28 March 2007):
y not u split up and u were gettin on wit ya life then u and her decided to make another go of it but when u split up u are allowed to go out wit sleep wit neone you want cos u werent wit her at the time so u have done nothin out of the ordinary
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (3 March 2007):
 Telling her would be the beginning of the end of your relationship. She already suffers from depression and you said it would really cut her up! Two very good reasons to deny it. If she asks just say "Well I went 18 months without it before so it was easy." If she goes on and pressures you about it CONTINUTE to say you didn't! Besides, what you did when you were apart doesn't concern her, it's your business! You know it would hurt her like hell so keep it to yourself, always! There's no should I or shouldn't I.... it's pretty much clear cut as far as I can see.
If she says you seem to have improved with the lovemaking tell her you're older and wiser now and you've missed her so much you're just letting your imagination take over. You can even let her know you've been on the web looking at different ways to enhance your love making! ;o)
Good luck!
Eve
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (2 March 2007):
 I wouldn't tell her and if she notices that you've improved in the sack, tell you stayed home everynight reading up on the subject ;)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDoes anyone else have an opinion on this? I don't want to hurt her and mess with her mind and I know that nobody would ever tell her that I'd slept with someone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. I know that if she knew I'd slept with someone else, even though we were apart at the time, would devastate her. She already suffers from depression.The only way she might find out is if she could tell in the way that i make love.I know that i've become a lot more experienced in that way. Would she be able to tell?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): It would not be a good idea to lie to her about having sex during the time you were apart. It will make her less able to trust you if she finds out.
Secondly, yes, any woman or man WOULD be upset if their bf/gf cheated on them. BUT the two of you had split up. She was (and still is as of this moment) your EX gf. When a relationship ends, both of you are free to date whoever you wish, and to form new relationships. You did not (presumably) know at the time you slept with another woman that the possibility of getting back with your ex would arise - or did you?
She may be hurt, but you should talk to her and point out some of these things. If she is serious about going to counselling, then by all means do it, if you do want to resume your relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): well me ,I am a girl and it would really bother me if my boyfriend did that to me. When girls like guys, they don't want anybody else to have them, so if you tell her that you had sex with some one else, she will be heart broken. So ya'll used to have sex once a week and then you suddenly had a break, but a relationship is not only about having sex every week. However, if you dont tell her and she somehow finds out that you did and not only that, but the fact that you didnt tell her, she will then be angry at you.
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A
male
reader, mario  +, writes (28 February 2007):
1. You'll never know until you try. I am sorry to say something that is so obvious, but it's the truth.
2. Lie. Does it really matter if you've slept with someone else while you were apart? But do this only if you are absolutely sure that she'll never be able to find out.
Cheers.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): You should tell her if you feel she should know. Could you handle keeping it a secret for the sake of her feelings?
But if you want to be honest with her, then yes, tell her.
It would probably take some time for her to get over it though.
Good luck!
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