A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship now for 6 months. we have a healthy relationship. there's just one problem. i'm 23 now and back when i was 19 i went backpacking around the world for 6 months. 2 months were in europe which included Amsterdam. i confess that i smoked a few puffs (5 to be exact) of marijuana. that's the only time i have ever taken drugs. even when i was at university. should i tell her?
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female
reader, howcomehoney  +, writes (23 May 2007):
 A few puffs of pot, four years ago? Why is this eating away at you? If that's the worst sin you have, it's not a very big one. If she asks, tell her. If she's angry about it... then she's crazy. It's not like you're an ex-junkie with a prison past.
Calm down. (Actually, smoking a joint would probably help with that. Hahaha. No, sorry, ignore that.) You didn't do anything wrong. In fact, you practically have a halo. I can't believe you went to Amsterdam and managed to do only that! Jesus, you should see what I got up to... uh, anyway.
No, but seriously, don't worry about it. If she reacts badly to finding out about it, she's the one with a problem somewhere, and then your job is to figure out why.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (23 May 2007):
 If your relationship is healthy as you claim, would something like "the truth" really threaten it?
SInce you bring it up, it makes me wonder if the reason you question telling her is about her veiws on drugs. What are her views on drugs, and are her values such that she would want to break up with you for trying drugs in your past?
If her values are such that she would not want to be with a past drug experimenter, then you should tell her.
If she would not care either way, mention it as it comes up in conversation, but do not "have to tell her" as if it is more than it needs to be.
Each person has their criteria of what they are looking for, and if you know this is something she is firm about, it is best to he honest with her.
-FBK
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A
female
reader, AR77  +, writes (22 May 2007):
I don't see why you would have to tell her. It was in the past. If you feel like you "have" to tell her you could but honestly, she would really not have a reason to be upset with you. You weren't with her then...it's not like you did it behind her back and have been lying this whole time. I wouldn't let it bother you, leave it in the past. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2007): You are not obligated to tell her about a few tokes off a joint, when you were 19 and not dating her. It doesn't adversely affect 'her' life in the here and now. There are more serious problems that dating partners need to know. eg: std's, pregnancies, convictions, jailtime, other children, whacky ex gf's, etc. New partners need to know stuff like that. But a few tokes off a joint? No. If she ever asks you if you tried weed, be honest and say "yes, I did. I was curious and quickly realized, drugs are not for me!" To me this is not that big of an issue, hun. But it's shows you want to be fully honest with her on everything, but offering to tell her this, is not necessary. Wait until it comes up in a discussion. Remember we all do silly, crazy things when we are young and single. She likely has a few stories of her own. We're all human and we make mistakes...some worse than others. You have nothing to feel badly about..you and she are just at the 6 month phase..you both are still learning about each other.
I think 99% of the population have taken a few tokes in their time..don't worry about it.
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A
female
reader, gf123 +, writes (22 May 2007):
 Hi,
My boyfriend used to smoke weed quite a bit when I first met him (aged 15). I didn't like it and when we got together I told him that it had to stop.
Recently, he went to Amsterdam and smoked a few joints. I can't say I was thrilled but we talked it over and I did some research and it really isn't that bad. I personally don't condone drugs of any form at any time but in Amsterdam it is all perfectly legal. In fact, you would probably be considered unusual to go to Amsterdam at 19 and not try marijuana.
Having said this, I really don't think there is any reason for you to tell your girlfriend. You weren't even with her at 19 and performing a legal and sociable act in a foreign country at this age is hardly crime of the century!
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (22 May 2007):
You only tried it, you didnt go on some mad drug binge like alot of people when they go to amsterdam. Plus it was more than 3 years ago. I wouldnt mention it, because i dont think its at all important. If she does ever ask, say you tried it once and it was like 2 puffs. Say you didnt like it (even if you did) and would not do it again. I should not think she would be annoyed/angry about it and have ago at you or anything like that. And if she did she would be completely over reacting and it would just be stupid. Dont worry about it x
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A
female
reader, Helen Help! :) +, writes (22 May 2007):
 Hey Huni
I wouldnt it was so long ago jus leave it in the past were it belongs if its jus goin to cause arguments and if she ever find out jus say exactly what ive jus said to you lol :)
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