A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Should i talk to my boyfriend about this, or should i finish with him ?. He went to another town yesterday to see a friend of his and his sister. He was there from the morning until today. He sent me a text message yesterday morning, saying that he loved me, and that he wanted to see me that night. I told him what time i would be at his house, and he said it was ok. When i got to his house, he wasn't home. I was upset and annoyed that he had arranged to see me and didn't bother to come home. I went home then. I spoke to his friend, who he went to visit, on the phone, and he told me that he had visited him earlier in the day, but that he didn't know where my boyfriend went after that. Maybe my boyfriend was still there though, and he didn't speak to me because he was drunk ?. His friend told me that he would tell him that i had called him though and asked about him . My boyfriend sent me a message today, saying that he was too drunk to come back home last night.He didn't apologise though. He hasn't mentioned when he wants to see me again either yet. Should i send him a message, asking him to meet me on Saturday ( i can't see him tomorrow ), and then talk to him about this when i see him, or should i ignore his message and see if he sends another message asking me to meet him ?. I'm going to a concert tomorrow night, so he might send me a message tomorrow anyway telling me to enjoy the concert or something. I can understand him wanting to spend time with his family and friends, and have a bit of space ,but i think it's rude that he didn't let me know that he wasn't coming back. If he knew he had arranged to meet me, he should have made sure that he didn't drink too much. or, he should have just told me that he wasn't going to come back, or he shouldn't have arranged to meet me that day in the first place. This has happened twice. The first time was also when he visited his family and friends. He is usually reliable though. Should i forgive him ?. Maybe i should tell him that i don't want to arrange to see him on the days he visits his friends and family again. Either that, or i could go visit them with him ?.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2012): Yeah it was rude but if it was a one off and he's not usually like this, I'd forgive him and forget it. It's a fairly small issue to cause a scene over. And yes I wouldn't see him on days when he already has plans.
If he keeps doing it then you might want to rethink your relationship as obviously this is something that bothers you a lot and nagging him about it will only cause arguments and drive you apart anyway.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 May 2012):
 It was indeed rude of him to agree to see you then not show up without any explanation or apology. However a little foresight on your part would have prevented this.
You knew he was going out of town to spend the day with friends. It's no great leap to assume it would be a long visit, a fair drive back and that he would be tired by the time he returned. When he said he wanted to see you you could have told him to call you when he got home and if it wasn't too late you could get together. That or make plans for another day instead.
I don't know what you're planning on saying to him, but I advise against having a long drawn out discussion about it. He'll see you as inflexible and nagging and you won't get anywhere. Keep it brief (one sentence) and don't wait for an apology. 'Sorry' doesn't matter. What does matter is that it doesn't happen again.
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A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (10 May 2012):
 If he was drunk when he made plans, maybe he didn't remember making them or was still too drunk to remember to make it. I'd be peeved too about him blowing you off but just wait for him to sort his crap out, get his act together, and contact you. Then try to find out what happened, explain your hurt, etc. Does he make a habit of getting plastered mid-week? I know it's the end of the school year and all but if this is a trend maybe you should consider getting a more reliable (read: sober) dude up in your life.
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