A
male
age
30-35,
*e130890
writes:Well I just found out yesterday that my girlfriend cheated on me. We've been together solidly for 3 months and on and off for 4 months before that. It was only a week ago that we lost our virginity to each other. It was my first time whereas she has had many boyfriends and sexual partners. Despite this, I had complete trust and faith in her and as a matter of fact it was actually her who didn't trust me, simply because I had female friends!! To the point, about 2 days ago she phoned me and told me that she couldn't carry on with this relationship because she loved me so much but saw me as more of a best friend than a boyfriend. I was heartbroken but accepted it and started with the healing process. She then asked me to meet her face to face yesterday so I agreed. She started kissing me in a cafe to which I stopped her and asked her what she was doing messing with my head. She told me how much she loved me and how I was the only one she ever wanted to be with. Then she admitted the real reason why she broke up with me. It was because while she had been clubbing she had got completely wasted and had taken a random guy back to her house and cheated on me with him.She begged me to forgive her and told me that the only reason she told me was because she loved me so much and wants to be with me still... and the only reason she lied to me was that she cared about me too much too see me hurt. She cried and told me how she cried for hours after she woke up that morning. To be honest, I am stupidly in love with her... after much consideration and her continued apologies, I forgave her and took her back. I stayed at her house last night and returned this morning, and I dunno if I have made the correct decision.... I cannot get the thoughts of some other guy having sex with her out of my mind. I don't know if the trust will get back to normal.... I am in pieces right now... but I love her to bits and know she loves me. We've talked about living together and have made plans. She is my world but I am so angry right now.I need advice... what would you do in my situation? Consider how much I love her in your answers. She is my universe and losing her will take a lot of getting over... Thanks very much
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009): I am going through a similar situation. However, only you know her well enough to see if she is remorseful or not. Most people would tell you to just drop her, and I have to admit that's a very short time of dating for her to have already cheated on you. I am one of those people who just doesn't understand why people cheat, you may be the type of person like that as well. Women especially do it for many different, sometimes complex reasons. My advice to you is to research why women cheat and see if you can maybe add up any reasons as to why she might have done it. Most women are lacking some kind of emotion attention within themselves, but there are also the type of women who just cheat regularly. Research some info and decide for yourself. Make sure you know she's truly remorseful. It is better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all. Hope this helps
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): Hello. I just wanna say that I understand how you feel and that I went thru the same thing just for a longer period of time. I was with my guy for 6 years and he cheated on me many many many times and I stayed with him when he wanted me. He was my first but I was not his and we have a 3 year old daughter. He has had 2 other babies in the six years that we have been together and who knows how many other women. He has said those same things to me over and over and everytime I take him back he does it again. He has messes with my health and he wants me back right now and I am so afraid that he will hurt me again. He wants to get married now and I just don't believe him. I know you love this girl so deeply and yes it is going to hurt but u have to think about you. You deserve someone that will treat you the way u deserve to be treated and idk if u can trust her. Think about it and don't move too fast. If she is tellign the truth u will know it. I have also learned to not listen to ur heart cause it can lie to u. Listen to ur brain because it knows the move u should make.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (4 February 2009):
 If you take her back, she'll see it as weakness and then she'll know that she can get away with anything. She'll do this again and again to you - and you won't be able to trust her. She seemed to lie convincingly the first time.
She seems to be at a bad stage in her life when she has discovered her sexual power. Now she's just so crazy about sex, dumping guys, picking up guys, the whole game - she's not going to be great girlfriend material right now is what I'm saying. She is out having fun and you're giving her all kind of emotional energy that she's just not giving back.
She obviously needs some time to grow up a little bit. I would ditch her and find a quality girl. They exist, trust me!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): Taken a random guy back and had sex.
She wasn't seduced or worked upon over a period of time, a wearing down.
It's almost like a cold blood killer.
What use her being your Universe if you're always in fear of it imploding.
Better to have someone your 'country garden' or your 'mountain spring'
Find someone new.
and build yourself something worth while.
God bless
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): First of all, she was obviously jealous of your female friends because she herself was capable of cheating, so she figured, why wouldn't you be capable of cheating as well? And secondly, drinking is never an excuse to cheat. She made a conscious decision to bring another man home with her and have sex with him. Alcohol does not excuse this or make it not her fault. She had plenty of time to think about what she was doing and decide on it and act on it, no matter how wasted she was.Anyways, it's really up to you to decide whether or not you can be with her after she has cheated on you. Right now I can understand how the hurt can seem unbearable. I can even understand why you would want to remain with her. Unfortunately, I can't tell you whether or not that's the right thing to do. If you feel that you can forgive her eventually and that she won't cheat on you again, then perhaps it's worth the shot. But if you doubt her, what's the use?I wish I could be of more help to you, but you need to sort out for yourself whether or not you can live with this. Obviously she messed up big time. Can you forgive her and forget about it? Or will this stick with you forever. You deserve a lot better than being cheated on, but people do make mistakes. I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything works out for you! Keep your chin up hun!
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (4 February 2009):
 You are still very young and the problem is you both will be growing up a lot over the next couple of years and there is no guarantee where your lives will take you at the moment. It is quite naieve at your age to think that you will be living together etc - this shouldnt really be thought about until your at least 22/23.
She is clearly fairly immature too - going out clubbing, getting drunk and taking a guy home are the actions of a young girl who wants to enjoy life as a young person with freedom to do as they please (I know this as I was that girl about 3 years ago!).
Seen as I did a similar thing to an ex boyfriend of mine aged 18 (I'm now 21), I am fairly sure of what will happen if you stay together. She will do it again! The next time she goes out, gets drunk, the same thing will happen and the next day she will come crying to you saying she loves you and how sorry she is.
But the reality is; when she goes out she stops thinking about you and allows herself to get carried away having fun with other men. I bet you would never stop thinking about her! Being drunk is no excuse - you still are aware of what is going on.
You also said that before she told you the real reason why she ended it; you were heartbroken but you started the healing process. If you can start to move on after such a poor excuse for splitting up then you can definately move on after she cheated on you!
Trust is one of the most important parts of the relationship and it will never go back to what it was before. You deserve better than to be treated like that - she needs time to grow up and she can only do this on her own.
Be strong and you can get over her - you will be stronger as a person for the experience.
Good luck!
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