A
female
age
30-35,
*lise22
writes:I'm sorry for the long question but I have to explain the whole situation, so please just bear with me!So, I think I have a problem but I'm not sure what it is... I'm twenty years old, I've never been in a relationship and I've only ever kissed a guy once, and I didn't even like him but I thought that maybe it was time I try it.So, I'm in my second year in college, and I've been living in a house with other students since januari this year. One of my housemates is a really cool guy, he's cute, sweet, caring, and a vegetarian like me. But, he's also a flirt, like me. The thing is, I like flirting, it's fun, it's safe and I like the attention. But, I never really know what this guy is thinking, except that he's always flirting with me, teasing me, trying to make me laugh, more so than with anyone else. But he's never made a move. Also, he's really trying to 'find himself', spiritually I mean, while I'm pretty down to earth.Now, since three weeks I have been talking with a guy that I know from one of my classes. He's really straightforward, takes initiative, and he asked me out a couple days ago. In the beginning I was excited because he seemed really nice, kind of cute, and simple (not stupid) in a way that he knows what he wants. But now that he's asked me out, I'm suddenly not sure anymore if I really like him.I've started to see a pattern though in the way I deal with guys. I always like guys that I can't have (too old, too 'cool', just not interested), and disect every little thing he says to me, trying to find out if he likes me. And if someone is interested in me, I feel like I'm cornered and forced into something I don't want (even if they're not pushy but just obviously interested).Now last saturday, there was a party, and I went with a couple of my housemates, including the one I like. And I had been joking around, saying I was going to find a girl for him, when suddenly he says: 'I know a girl that's interested, she's right in front of me'. So I was a little flustered and said 'what, her, I don't think her boyfriend would like that'. 'No', he said, 'you'.It was so weird, because he was so serious when we normally keep it light and fun. I just don't understand what he meant by saying that. Another housemate of ours, a girl who's both our friend, said that he's only ever approached girls of whom he already knew that they liked him and when he's had a couple beers, which was the situation. I've never really hidden my interest in him, even though I'm flirtatious with other guys as well. Well, I didn't know what to do or say because he didn't say anything about his own feelings, so I just laughed and shortly after started talking to some other guy. But ever since then, things have just been a little different between us.My first question: what do you think is wrong with me, that I stop liking a guy the minute he's interested? I want a relationship, it just never feels like the right guy. And why do I only like guys I can't have?Second: do you think I should go out with the guy from my class, because he's nice and I thought I liked him? I'm not sure I even want to anymore, but should I just start 'the dating process'? I've been annoying myself trying to find out what my housemate thinks of me, and I'm not sure anything's ever going to change. Besides, he's a really jealous type, even with his friends, so I'm sure he'll get jealous if I date another guy because he's been jealous when I just talked to someone else at a party, for instance.If you've stuck with me, thanks so much! And please give me your advice because I just don't know what to do anymore. Even if it sounds silly, it's something I've been dealing with for approximately seven years and I'm tired of it.
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female
reader, elise22 +, writes (26 December 2012):
elise22 is verified as being by the original poster of the question So, I went out a couple times with the guy from my class, and today I told him it wasn't working. Turns out it was a gut instict saying this guy wasn't for me, and I've known it all along. It was fun though, to start dating, and it did wonders for my self-esteem. I actually met a guy at a party last friday, and we're going out next sunday. I obviously don't know him that well, but I do see a lot more potential in this than I ever did with the other guy.
When it comes to my roommate, it's pretty much still the same. We still flirt outrageously and talk about feelings and everything, but I'm not going to wait for him. If he ever made a move I would probably give it a try though.
So, thanks a lot for your advice, I hope the update reaches you :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2012): Only thing that would make sense to me is that its not because you don't like him or who ever anymore, perhaps your distancing yourself from the next step you haven't experienced without even realizing it, dating, because your nervous. It's up to you who you wanna date, whether it's one of these guys or another new guy a week from now. It's a tough choice since both grew the courage to make a move, you have to decide if either of these guy's are good for you or not, but please don't end up going with both...
Good luck...
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