A
female
age
51-59,
*abylovesyou
writes:I have been married for 20 years and I am now at a crossroads in my life. I enjoy my Husband's company and I think I still love him. But I don't think I want to be married to him anymore. Any reasons I have for this seam to be minor and could probably be fixed if I really put some effort in. The problem is that I don't want to anymore. I have been having an emotional affair with another man, off and on for the past 13 years. I have tried leaving my husband on many occasions but I keep going back because I feel guilty and because I believe that my marriage deserved that. However, this time, I haven't been able to bounce back. The other problem is that my old flame( the emotional affair) is now engaged to another woman and doesn't want to take a chance on us unless I am 100% sure that I don't want to go back to my husband, since I have done this many times before. My husband is trying to convince me that this other guy is an abuser of women and a serious drug dealer. I know he has some issues but I don't believe they are as bad as my husband thinks they are. I do know that this other guy loves me very much and I don't think he would ever do anything to hurt me. I think I want to be with a man who is very socially comfortable. My husband is not but my ex is. Is it possible that I'm just looking for someone different and even though I love my husband I just don't want to be married to him anymore?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): 13 years and you still can't make up your mind? Do your husband a favor and end it. He deserves better.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 April 2010):
You'll end up in the same situation. For the reason that with your husband, you see the good and the bad. With this other man, you only see the good. Your husband is still the man for you. You still love him, and this can be fixed. But your refusal to stop seeing this other man and really put effort in hasn't done anything but make it worse. You could never trust this other guy if he's engaged and would be ready to cheat on his fiance. And he could never trust you. And to top it off, your husband is telling you he is a drug dealer and a bad bet, yet all you can say is he has issues. Stop seeing this other man. You will be the one who loses. You will lost a good husband who loves you, this other guy will either be arrested or will just ditch you, and then you'll have no one. Wake up. Your husband is the right man. The other one will lead to misery.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (4 April 2010):
That's a better question for a therapist. But since you've been having this so-called emotional affair for the past 13-years while you've been married and he's engaged, sounds to me like you two deserve one another. Maybe when you're together you can cheat on each other too.
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