A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:My fiancee tells me repeatedly that she loves me and can't wait to marry me, in both spoken and written word, yet her actions indicate she may be drifting away. Perhaps she is getting too comfortable in the relationship or she is getting bored with it. I thought seriously about offering her some space if she wants it. I just want to rattle her cage a bit. Good idea? Thanks.
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female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (19 August 2010):
 Have you tried discussing your problems firstly? - preferably before taking the big step. You will have to talk about your attitudes, this gap you see between feeling you are ready to marry but not acting as though you are ready to assume the inherent responsibilities, and where is this gap originating from, could it become more noticeable in time or are you afraid to assume certain roles because you are not yet married, etc. Try talking in terms of 'we' more than 'you' and pointing blames. Inquire a bit, get to what makes her feel uneasy. You could be surprised. Have you settled a time frame for marriage? Could that be where the shoe pinches... well, in part? More stress on communication, also. I hope you can learn more about what is right and wrong after a nice talk, and not have to take a break. You won't be able as easily to take breaks after marriage for certain, or else why would you commit to that in the first place. Best wishes.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (19 August 2010):
Hi there. You don't say if she has been married before or you either.
Are you both sure you really want to get married?
Perhaps she is wary of tying the knot and maybe losing her freedom. If you are already living together, she might be afraid she will have to live by new rules and that everything might change and not necessarily for the better.
When you're about to get married, all these thoughts go through your mind. You don't want things to change.
You need to talk to her about it and ask her is she having any doubts, or is anything worrying her. Just be honest with each other. Perhaps you have concerns also.
If you are not living together, this could be a big concern of how things will work out when you are living in the same house. You really need to discuss this as soon as possible.
Good luck and best wishes.
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