A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Alright, this one is going to be a long on, but I need all the help I can get fast, before I make another mistake.Me and Jamie have been in a relationship for about 4 1/2 years. To start, we started in highschool, and had a few confrontations where she would lie to me about some guys, and kissed one, but very early inthe relationship, like first few months. After that, we were great together, and got very intamate. Her family loved me, and my family loved her. She had a hot friend my senior year, and I made the mistake of kissing her, and sleeping with her, not sex, but sleeping, 2 times. This little escapade went on for about 2 weeks, and I broke it off with her friend. I told my best friend at the time that we had sex, trying to make myself sound cooler, and he told her. We fought hard over it, and ended up taking a 2 month break. We got back together, but durring the break she made out with my best friend that had told her about the situation. She always belived that we had sex, but we didn't and I told her all the details of it. About 2 years later, I lusted after another girl, just a little, and decided we should take a break. We took a 6 month break, and when I moved out and graduated, we got back together. She practically lived with me from then on out. We made big plans together, and we loved eachother, but she held on to the time that I cheated on her in the back of her head. We, together, decided on our carrers, her in the medical field, and me in the air force, but air national guard, so I would only leave for one weekend a month. We have both been in college together, her living at home, but staying with me everynight, and I have an apt. Some old highschool buddies of mine moved in nextdoor to her parents, and became good friends with her. Nothing more. When it came down to me signing up, i got really stressed, and started to treat her badly. I yelled, and got mad all the time, at little things, like sex, and other sorts. I didn't see the signs, but she was drifting away, from my bad treatment of her. She did show signs tho, I just had gotten so comfortable with the relationship that I didnt think that she would leave me. Well, 2 1/2 months ago, she left me. She said that she needed a 2 week break. I was heart broken, and got very emotional, and started to make demands, and told her things like its not or never, many times. at first she said that she didnt want to loose me forever, and i would come around and say that no, if she needed time i would give it to her. and then i would go back to making demands and telling her that I needed her now, or never. I didnt mean it. She started to go and party all the time, almost every night with her parents neighbors, and very soon after, I found out that she was dating one of them. There were pictures of them at partys and such kissing and cuddleing. She was almost always drunk tho. now that i have come to my senses, i think its too late, and i dont know what to do now. she tells me that she still loves me, and wants to be with me one day, maybe when i get back from my training, which will be about 7 months long, starting in 2 months. far away, far far away. She has kissed me many times since the break up, but has also gone out with the neighbor many times and kissed him, maybe even more. She said that they have not had sex, and that she will not say that she loves him, because she doesnt. She says that he likes her more than she likes him. Well Im away for the weekend for the airforce, and she went to a big party with him, and is spending the night with him in his truck. Ive made even more demands, and threats to just leave her and see someone else, not thinking before i said these things. she is at the party right now, and probly will be staying the night with him. I have also noticed that she has changed her style, from preppy like me, to wearing carhart jackets and such like him. i saw one girl a few times since the break up, and she found out and got very jellous at first, but now she seems to be accepting it, and saying that if i need to move on, then i should. but she keeps giving me hints that she doesnt want me to. i just dont know what to do anymore. i need advice fast. should i leave her alone, and break contact? maybe that would bring her back when she knows what its like without me, but i did not show her a good last impression of me. or should i understand, and suck up my feelings and let her tramp on me for a little while. i really do love this girl. with all my heart. help me please.
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a break, best friend, drunk, got back together, kissing, living at home, move on, moved in, moved out Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, kool +, writes (27 September 2008):
Hey bro ima be honest with you ive been in one of these realationships before like this an you know what look at everyone ells see how there realtionships are they all have fights in them every single one of them so what im saying is that this is normal heres what you gota do to get her back an im not playing with you on this ok bro just so you know im 26 so im around your age kinda ok anyways stop calling her an talking to her send her letters in the mail to her address or even to her boyfriends address cause hes going to get jeaouls right you want to make him fuck up an look like the bad guy so then your going to be the good guy an then when you get back go there an dont be scared to go there your a dam millitary man an can kick that ass if he wants to jump man go there an be a hero man show some emotion but not much to her until she wants you to show her more an if that dosent work wich it will then your fucked so start sending the letters to her but not a very long one u dont wanna sound despeart you gota make the other guy miss up an look bad bro hes trash anyways partying all the time an stuff hes junk man this should be easy for you your just showing her your desperate so send a few letters to her an see what happens not to many words though just get your point across on the frist one an then the next one maybe a lil more in that one if she dosent write back keep wrighting cause u know shes geting them an reading them no emails hand write its your love your talking about ok bro good luck later
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell, here is the update. I came back from drill, and stopped by her place. she gave me back the promise ring that I gave her. And she told me that she is dating the other guy now, and that we were not going to get back together. thanks for all the help guys, but i think that I have too much to deal with right now. Im getting ready to go to basic training, so Im just going to try my hardest to block it out, and start working on improveing myself right now. It just hurts so much to see her be with someone else. She IS the love of my life, and I cant beleive that I let this happen. But I think Im going to respect her wishes and leave her alone. Maybe the blocking of communication will show her what she is missing, as it showed me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of the replies, and to luckybaby, I really didn't have sex with the other girl. and i am not seeing another girl, we have gone to lunch once and dinner once, and when we were together, we only talked about what i could do to save my relationship.
argh, im so confused on what to do.
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (18 May 2008):
 You're young, most people your ages aren't mature enough to carry on a serious relationship because they are overcome with temptation from others. You've treated her like crap (IMHO), leaving her and kissing other girls and whatnot. She's moving on but she's still somewhat confused because of your history together. Best thing for you to do is leave her alone.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (18 May 2008):
Wow you've really messed this up. Constant going on breaks through your relationship so you could go out with other women says to me you aren't really in love with this girl, she's just always been there as a Plan B. Even now when you've split up with her and admitted you've made demands and threats that you didn't mean, rather than trying to win her back and talk to her about it, you're seeing another girl.
7 months is a very long time and you will really change as a person when you come back from basic training. She'll change as she goes through medical training. You'll be learning to kill and she'll be learning to save. Either way you'll both learn a lot about life the universe and everthing.
I would talk to this girl. Tell her how you feel, tell her you didn't mean the things you said, tell her you still love her (if you do.) Then head off to training as a single man.
In 7 months everything will have changed for both of you. You may come back realising you were never really in love with her, or you may come back determined to treat her right and keep her forever. She will realise this too.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 May 2008):
 You guys have a real confusing situation. What you have is a woman who seems to be a player. She's playing you and playing this other person. Why not, you're accepting of her having two instead of one.
It reminds me of the song from Sam Kinison. His version of "Wild Thing". Part of a verse says, "I go to kiss you and I can tast what the other guy had for lunch."
Love can be tricky, and can also be used as a manipulation tool. in your case, she's using it as that tool.
Here is what I'd tell her. "I'm sorry about the past. I never meant to hurt you, but I can't be part of playing these games. As long as you are with this other person, we will have to end association as we've been having. We both have some issues which need worked out. I regret that we'll be doing so apart and not together, but you've made your choice. I wish you well. Goodbye."
She has issues. She thinks you had sex with the other woman, so what does she do? Messes with your best friend. She doesn't know how to confront or handle issues she faces. She attacks, which adds an additional issue on top of what's already there.
I know you want to be with her, but I really can see more heart break if this relationship continued.
Take care.
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