| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My ex broke up with me a couple of days ago. It was because I had lied about some stuff from the past, several times. The other day I finally came clean about everything, and he broke up with me as I expected.Of course I was hurt, and of course he was angry. I had the feeling it was for good this time (we had broken up before).The thing is, today we talked, in person, and he started approaching me and kissed me. He said that I'm the best girl he's ever met, etc., but that he's confused because I've lied so much... I have nothing else to hide, and I seriously didn't expect for us to kiss! I just wanted closure, or something like that.However, he said he's confused and his heart tells him to get back together with me, but his mind tells him to fear me as I've lied before. He doesn't know what to do, and he was very loving, although by the end of our meeting, he became cold and told me not to expect to get back together.Do you think he'll get back together with me? I never cheated on him. The thing is I lied about details of my past, because when I told the truth, even straight out without lying, he never reacted well, even about minor stuff. He'd call me names, so I started to fear him and hide stuff from the past to avoid conflict. I also lied about some guy who talked to me, he used to crush on me and I was supposed not to talk to him, but this guy talked to me a couple of times and I never told my ex. I told him this, and he also got upset.He believes he'll never find someone like me, and says he loves me tons and wants to be with me because all of my good qualities, the only thing is he doesn't know how to trust me. Do you think he'll give me another chance? I won't waste it this time!I'm scared however that the guy who used to crush on me may have made up rumours about me (he's like that). I don't know if he has. The issue here is that he's friends with my ex's brother and with one of my ex's classmates. I can only hope he hasn't.
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male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (26 May 2008):
 He is feeling exactly as he said he's feeling.
If you betray a man, you'll find two extremely contradictory reactions:
* A feeling of anger, sadness, and hurt. This is what you'd expect.
* Very strong feelings of lust (jealousy is also an aphrodisiac) and love (a realisation that he has strong feelings for you).
These two reactions may come and go in quick succession. They are very strong passions. They will continue to repeat themselves until he either gets over the betrayal or gets over you.
In this case, your lies are seen by him as a betrayal and have hurt him. On the other hand, he still has strong feelings of love for you. I'd have to say that if he does come back, you're going to be in for a roller-coaster ride as he swings from one feeling to the other.
The problem here is how little it takes him to feel betrayed. Quite frankly, your sins don't sound like much. Your so-called "lies" are about minor matters that a more mature man could handle. So you talked to a guy who had a crush on you. Wow! It's not a big thing. He sounds far too controlling and demanding. When a relationship heads onto the rocks because of small things like this it shows that it's not a relationship between two mature adults. He has a bit of growing up to do. You shouldn't have to be quivering in your boots merely because you spoke to some guy. And this jealous young man really has too much power over you and your life.
I think he may come back, but I don't know if it will be worth it. It may be best to go out and find a new guy, someone who's more mature and doesn't give you the third degree over every little transgression. You lied because you were afraid of him, and you were afraid of him because of his over-reactions. Take your freedom and run. And live to love another day.
A
female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (18 May 2008):
 What are these past issues?
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (18 May 2008):
 Hang on this girl posted this letter of the same nature on Friday and still she has not said about her past that her bf won't forgive her about.
Hunny we need more details so that we can help you!!!
(Moderators I am surprised you never spotted it too).
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (18 May 2008):
 You know, the past is the past. The past didn't include him. He should be with you for you.
I am worried about his anger issues, lack of trust, and dictating who you can and cannot have communication with. Relationships should not be restrictive.
Don't you believe you deserve to be with someone who loves you for you, doesn't judge you for your past, where trust is not an issues because he knows you and the bond between both of you?
It seems to me as if this person places more control on who he's with. That's no way to have a good relationship. I'd be worried about getting back with him.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): u did the right thing... now u r light at heart that u r true to yourself...he left u...gud...by telling him truth u were in a way taking his test in which he failed.if he cant see ur truthullness,he was not the 1 made 4 u.
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