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age
36-40,
*
writes: Hi I think im suffering from depression from a short long distance stint with my GF. Shes been living with me for the last 8 months and we've spent a lot of time together. Shes now working abroad for a month, will return for a month then will move 300 miles from me again to finish uni although that time it will be the same country. Shes been gone only two weeks now but the massive shock of going from so much contact to a few txts and a phone call b4 bed is killing me.I have loads of free time here at home and she seems to be busy quite alot. I thought she would be free Saturdays for us to have an evening together on skype and I'm sure I talked to her about it but now that I've had work give me the time off shes going out with friends instead and we're down to a short call in the afternoon Saturday too. I told her that I thought this could have been like a date night for us and was really looking forward to spending a night together like we did when she was home.I cant help feeling that shes choosing goin out over me because I've made it clear how important having this night together is to me and I thought it was to her too. As well there have been other nights when I've stayed up to comfort her when shes been upset and ended up not getting any sleep b4 work, I've posted her a parcel of gifts over etc too. Somehow I feel that I'm there for her more than shes there for me and if I thought she was feeling this way I'd drop everything to try and help but shes just going out instead. I dont know if I should tell her this though because I know its stupid and will only upset her even if it might help me.Guess Im just asking for advice on what to do, I've tried to explain it all in a way that wont make her feel terrible, I dont want to explain it all and just come across selfish which is how I feel.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 You need to tell her...
the problem with an LDR is that you have to learn to balance together time with being alive where you are too...
that means she's going to have friends and go out and do things with her friends...
With a young couple doing LDR due to Uni, I tend to be very cautious in encouraging the LDR... they normally do not survive... it's just the time of life and what you are doing that tends to really harm the LDR.... you are both still growing and maturing and figuring out who you are and what you want.... it's a time of change... and often even in a close distance relationship that means leaving your partner as you change...
it's sad but it's true more than not...
that being said... you have told her you were disappointed.
I think that while saturday night is 'date night" it might not be the best night for her to want to sit at home and skype with you.
we have friends who are LDR and see each other 3 weekends out of every month... but every night from 9-11 they skype and either watch tv together, or surf the net or play games together with friends or alone...
it's harder with Uni as there will be studying needed...
so suggest to her that you set up a schedule where you meet online and talk and let her know what you need.
when i was ldr i wanted daily contact.. he didn't need it... but we ended up with a pretty set schedule of my calling him in the morning to wake him at a specified time and my calling him when i got into bed for my bed time tuck in phone call.... during the day we might have some emails.. or phone calls as needed.... I would have liked a bit more contact and he might have liked a bit less... we compromised and it worked... now we are together full time.
you need to figure out what you need and let her know that is your comfort level.... and if it's more than she needs you may have to compromise on what's ok so that both of you are happy...
but the keys to making the LDRs work are
trust
honesty
communication
and the plan for the end in sight...
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (15 July 2012):
 Contact her and tell her that you miss her and would like to set up one day during the week to Skype. If she gives you the run-around or some lame excuses, she is not the girl for you. The reason I say that is because if she really likes and cares for you, she should WANT to set up times to communicate with you. You have gone above and beyond trying to maintain contact with her by actually getting Saturday nights off, so I am not sure, but she doesn't sound as serious about the relationship as you. I would ask her, see what she says, and then come back with more information if you need to.
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