A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I have been together for 12 years and we have a daughter together, out of the blue he said he couldn't live with me anymore and moved out. We have been getting on really well and still having sex.I also know he has taken a girl much younger than him out for a drink a few times and he says they have just kissed.Should I still be having sex with him or am I being used.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): Hiya, Im in agreement with the other posts. You need to stop sleeping with your ex. He has probably spun some line to this other woman that you dont understand him, not had sex in years and that he has to stay in contact with you because of your daughter.Never say never, but if you start look out for your interest and your daughters first and start making plan for a future that excludes him, it might be a wake up call to him. If not then you know for sure hes moved on from you and sex was taken while it was still on offer and nothing more.The best of luck to you x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): He doesn't live with you. It doesn't sound like he's doing anything for you, except having sex.
He's all but said he's broken up with you, but is keeping you along for the sex. If you don't want to have sex with him anymore, then don't. As long as it's mutual, you can have sex. Just know he might not be having sex with you because he loves you -- especially seeing as he's now dating someone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): He moved out, so essentially you are no longer in a relationship yet he's still coming to you for sex.
Come on, you're not a teenager, i think you know deep down that he's using you. I suggest you stop the sex part and concentrate on him be a father to your daughter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): I would stop having sex with him and let him know that until he decides what he wants with his life and stops seeing other women, that you will not be having sex with him anymore. He can spend time with your daughter, but otherwise I would keep your contact with him limited for your own sake. You should start to date other men also. Take care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): He moved out to pursue a relationship with this girl without having to answer to you. I'd say no sex, if he wants to visit his daughter then fine, butno sex, he wants his cake and eating too. Maybe you should go on a couple of dates and see how he feels, my guess is he won't like it. Either he be a man and stop messing you about it you show him you.won't put up with being his booty call and find someone who will commit to you. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): Don't have sex with him, and yes, you are being used. He is either with you or he isn't. If you are hoping to get back together you need to have boundaries which means sex within a committed relationship. Life will get very messy if you blur what you are prepared to accept. As he has said he has been seeing someone I would definately stop any intimacy. He is getting the best of both worlds and you are going to be the loser if you are not careful.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (15 March 2011):
 It all depends on how you feel about the situation. If you are willing to accept no-strings casual sex then it is probably ok since you are not in a relationship and neither is he. However, you seem upset that he has kissed another girl and that may lead to a relationship starting. If you are having sex with him because you hope it will bring him back then stop right away. It will cause you heart-break. He has made his feelings clear - he doesn't mind sex, just doesn't want the living together and playing happy families thing. It may seem like a tactic to get him back but it won't work and you will end up feeling very bad. The best way to get over someone and move on with your life is not to have any close contact with them - social or physical. If he has access arrangements in place to see your daughter then make sure that happens outside the family home. Firstly it is confusing for your girl to see you and him together when she knows you have split up (gives her false hope of a reunion). Secondly, it is confusing for you to see him and get into potentially sexual situations within the home. If he wants to see your daughter then he should do it at his own home or in a public place. By carrying on having sex with him then you exclude yourself from the possibility of having a new relationship with someone else. In the end there is a chance that he will find someone new and then you will be left feeling awful and used. It is probably better to be strong and say no to the sex as it will help you get over the relationship and move on with your life.
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A
male
reader, Weeks  +, writes (15 March 2011):
 Children need a father figure and if he contributes in your daughter's upbringing and continues to meet her, it will be good for her.If you are having sex with him, it has to be out of mutual desire. You can continue as long as you want to. The day you feel he is otherwise, you can stop.
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