A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a guy friend from work. We know each other for three years. From last July we started hanging out often and became really close friends. We had lunch together almost every day; we ran together couple of times a week; he asked me to go see movies with him; we played poker together once a week; he asked me to shop with him and give him advices; he cooked for me...anyways, he asked me doing lots stuff with him. We enjoyed each other's company and became best friends. Recently he felt we were too close and told me we should spend time together less. I agreed. However, it turned out that he started to hang out with other girls (new employees) from work, go lunch with them, go shopping with them and taking coffee break with them. (When he showed strong interest in me for the past year, he hasn't done anything like this with other female coworkers). Now whenever I met him and other girls hanging out together in the office, I just felt very uncomfortable and awkward (Everybody knows we were best buddies and used to hanging out all the time). And I felt angry with his behavior because he made me feel that he dumped me for the other girls. I know I'm only his friend and he has any right to do anything he wants. But I still felt he has not been considerate enough for his old friend - me. Now I don't want to be friends with him anymore. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): dirtball, thanks a lot for your reply. I totally agree with you. My instinct reminds myself constantly that I should stay away from him, the farther the better. How could I be friends with someone who doesn't even care about me?! It's totally not worth it. I have been avoided seeing him and just focused on my work and life and spent more time with my family, my friends. I felt much better now. He still came over talking to me and kept apologizing and tried to be still with friends with me. But I don't trust him anymore. I don't even know if I can trust him again. Thanks a lot for your help, dirtball. I'm now more determined to get him out my life. Now I'm starting to get my life back on track. It will get better as time will slowly heals. No matter what, I have to love and respect myself.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (5 August 2010):
 Then don't be friends with him anymore. I know, sounds easier than it will be in practice. The fact of the matter is that the things you were doing together were very much dates. Regardless of what he may have called it. It is natural to feel jealous or angry when someone tells you they don't want to spend all that time together anymore. My guess is that you were starting to feel attracted to him, and that's why it hurts you now that he isn't spending the time with you.
Here's the thing. He'll do the same thing with these girls and eventually move on to others if new blood comes around.
I'd do my best to remain cordial, but not anything beyond that. No need to make a scene. After all, you weren't dating eachother "officially." However, I wouldn't hang out with him alone anymore. He isn't worth it.
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