A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Wife And Girl friend yep go figure..Cut to the chase... I have 3 boys, one grown and gone, one grown and very sick living at home may die any time. Younger one also live here at home with my wife and myself.A number of years ago, a tough time started hitting harder than normal The wife lost her job. Ok, no biggie. Then, a year and a half later, I lost my job. The day after being let go, I started a side job fixing things for extra money while collecting Unemployment. I sat eveyone down and explained this was going to be really hard and we all needed to pitch in with the income.My wife made her speech of promises on how she is going to change. I agree and give her what she asked for, then I sit back and watch it get worse and worse. This goes on for over 2 years. In the meantime I am telling her this is destroying everything we have built. She promises to change again, I told her this is the last time, I am done with this and all the let downs, time and time again.Fast forward, I do what needs to be done and hustle to find a real job to pay the bills and keep the house and food on the table. Once I do this, the others think it's ok to sit back and live off me once again. I have been saying no no no no for the longest time.... And I want out....So one day, I go out to meet a few friends to have a drink and BS and complain. Here walks in this women I could not take my eye's off of. Wrong or not, I was not happy where I was, so figured game on. Here it is 8 mouths later and we are in love and she know's I am married with kids.So here I sit wondering what to do. Do I leave and give this a shot, or do I stay and keep repeating the same cycle over and over?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): Leave your wife. she's already cheated on you so the marriage vows have been long broken.
but don't count on things working out with the new girlfriend. as with any new relationship, it may or may not work.
that's why you don't leave your wife just because you think it will be better with someone else. Because you don't know if it will work out with the new woman. You leave your wife because you know you don't want to be with her you'd rather be single and not care if you have another relationship to fall back on or not. that way whether it works out with a new woman, or not, you won't regret leaving your wife because you'd have left her anyway.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): WAKEUP!!! Your son is dying. Forget about your girlfriend for now. Obviously, the time you are spending with your girlfriend is time you could be spending with your child.
As for your girlfriend, if she is going to cheat with a married man who knows what she's capable of when you all get settled in a few years down the line. As the saying goes: If they will cheat WITH you then they will cheat ON you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2011): First off, I just want to say I don't judge you for what you did, like some of the other posters. We all make mistakes.
But...
If I were you, I would consider a few things before leaving your wife for your girlfriend. You may think you really love this woman right now, but part of her charm could just be that somewhere deep down, perhaps subconsciously, you might still love your wife, but your cheating on her is your way of getting even with her for breaking promises to you/letting you down for so long. You wanna hurt her because she hurt you, and you may not even realize it. Let's face it, revenge feels good. I'm not suggesting that your feelings for your girlfriend aren't real, I'm just saying they might seem stronger right now than they would if your situation at home was different.
Let me ask you this; would you have noticed this other woman if you'd been happy in your marriage? (I mean sure, you might have taken a second glance and thought "damn she's hot" since you're a guy), but would you have continued to stare at her all night? Would you have pursued her? Would you have viewed her as anything more than just a beautiful face and hot body? I think not. I believe that while you have feelings for this woman since you did pursue her and got to know her better, you also have the mindset that the grass is greener on the other side. But it's usually not. A lot of times, once you're on the other side, you either wanna go back, or you find yourself still wanting something different than what you've got. That's something I've noticed. Maybe it's just a woman-thing, though lol. If/when you leave your wife, definitely don't go and marry the girlfriend right away. Wait until you and your wife have been separated awhile and see if your feelings for your girlfriend lessen. You might be surprised.
Anyway, I hope that whatever you decide to do works out and you become happier again. I also hope you'll be able to work something out with your wife regarding your kids if you decide to leave her. Don't turn your back on them. It's not their fault she behaved the way she did.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2011): Thanks FOR ALL THE INPUT. I am still here and it is for my son who is slowly dieing. As to my wife we she has done here thing by cheating on me several times in the past. are ALL THE FLINGS SHE HAD OVER i DO NOT KNOW NOR DO I CARE TO AT THIS POINT.The girl I am with now know most if not all of what is going on she to is confused like I am we where only to be a one night stand but as life would have it we feel in love with ea each other other,She has three kids of here own. I do feel for here like i have never felt before it is not just sex even though thats where it all started.As to my wife today i badged for four years for here to help out and change her way i explained in great detail why it has to happen with here changing she would change for a week then right back to the same old shit.I know I should leave but with my on boy being so sick I do not feel it is the right time for him other r the little son (13) They all know I am not happy here and why the response being they are all content living in slumber and not wanting positive change. I have figured out over a year ago to keep me going I had to change for myself first thinking they may see this and start there own change to help in any way the can...I was wrong.So I am stuck with the guilt with all this and the fear of if i make a move now I will be causing the issues. I feel frozzen in time waiting to see what will happen.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2011): It's not the right thing to stay on in your marriage if you're hating every minute of it and seething with resentment at everyone in your family. How is it ever the right thing to foster a toxic atmosphere in the family?Divorce your wife.But you do need to continue to be there fore your dying son. If not, can't you wait until your dying son has passed on, so as to not disrupt his life and put any more stress on him?All this is completely separate from your affair.How is it that if you had never met this other woman, you'd still be happy to stay on the treadmill of your marriage? If you'd be OK staying in your marriage without having met this new woman, then that means you're actually OK with your marriage and you should stick with it cos obviously it's not that bad you're just wanting something new and novel, that is not grounds for breaking marriage vows.If you were really needing to leave your marriage because it's too much for you to bear anymore, then you would and should leave even without anyone new in the picture.
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female
reader, Nonamus +, writes (5 February 2011):
It sounds like your marriage was over before you met the new woman. I say it's time to start a new chapter in your life.
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female
reader, Tylluan  +, writes (5 February 2011):
 Well, you are in one hell of a pickle but I can't help notice that having a dying son, doesn't seem to be on the top of list of things on your mind. Perhaps your wife is consumed with the grief of her son's illness and this has caused her to be depressed. It seems like you resent your responsibilities and you don't feel others are giving you the respect you feel you deserve. Your girlfriend is a good distraction from your problems but if it was easy, you would be living with her by now. Is guilt preventing you from leaving? I honestly think this girlfriend is bad timing and it is distracting you from what you really need to be focusing on. You need to talk turkey with your wife and family. Somethings gotta give. Please seek some family counseling, it may not be too late to save this stressed out family.
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female
reader, wants2bhappy  +, writes (5 February 2011):
Here it goes.
I dont know what is the thing, she did over and over again. letting you down? Probably it doesn't matter , because the end is the same: your wife hasn't changed.
My advice is: don't stay with your wife, if you love the other woman and would be happy with her. However, the most important thing is your children. They (especially the ones who live at home) still need you to b around them. just make sure that you wont neglect them and will be able to see them.
Your wife will never change. i dont believe in significant changes. A promise will stay a promise.
But it seems like you are wasting your days with her, while you could be out and happy with the woman you want to be with. Be with your new gf, spend all your time with her, because whatever your wife did to you, it is not fair to lie to her, all the time. it's not good for anybody and you would feel better if you wouldnt need to hide texts or you wouldnt need to rush home after being with your girlfriend...just be free and be happy:)
Good luck to you.
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female
reader, TEM +, writes (5 February 2011):
 There's what you want, and there's the right thing. Financial problems can really strain a marriage, as can a deathly ill child. You do sound as if you are overwhelmed, but escaping into an extramarital affair was not the answer.
If you leave for this woman it will be viewed as abandonment by your family. I am not clear on the bad behavior your wife has promised to change. Is it that you are not satisfied with her job search efforts, or is there something deeper there?
Sometimes, when involved in an affair, people exaggerate the negative aspects of their spouse and seem to forget the positive ones. Comparing your wife to the other woman is not fair either. She is seen in the best of lights. I'm sure she takes great care to make herself look wonderful for you. I'm sure she is very accommodating when she is with you. Your wife on the other hand, is see through the prism of a very difficult day-today-existence.
Right now your wife is dealing with an awful lot. I'd cut her some slack. I doubt anyone is consciously living off you. I do think they are depending on you though. I sure hope you come through for them.
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