A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this muslim boy for almost a year now, and everything's going amazingly. I'm not one to say I've fallen in love with just anybody, I take that very seriously, so I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm madly in love, but I definitely think this could be the relationship that would develop into that. It is definitely a much better relationship than any that I have been in in the past.The problem is, I'm a christian. I've been starting to wonder if I should just end the relationship now, even though everything's great, to save myself from getting more attached than I already am, and going through a lot of heartbreak if it ends badly. I've considered if I would convert for him, and the answer is no. I mean it would be one thing if we were talking about switching from Protestant to Catholic or something, but this is an entirely different God, a different religion with different values, and it encompasses a whole different lifestyle/outlook. I can't do it. And I know he would not convert for me, he's very attached to his religion. So we are at an impass. But I just can't bring myself to break up with someone I care about so much when there is no problem with the relationship. But am I just going to look back 3 or 5 years from now and wish I hadn't wasted so much time and love on something that inevitably wouldn't work. I mean his parents don't even know I exist! HELP! Advice would especially be great from someone who's been through a similar situation but anything is helpful!
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female
reader, waterdrop  +, writes (1 February 2011):
Hello..:)My advice to you..get away from him before it is too late.I also was in the same situation as you and it almost destroyed my life. Although things seemed great in the beginning, everything changed drastically later on. He seemed like the sweetest guy ever, but as time went on he showed his real self. My story is a bit long but you can msg me if you'd like to know more. I used to think that we should all respect other religions and stuff, but the thing is, I didn't know about the awful things behind their 'religion'. It is dangerous, and trust me, you will eventually be pressured to convert (even if he says right now you won't have to do that). Of course, it hurt to let go because my feelings for him were strong, but I now know it was the best thing I could have ever done. I actually wish I had never met him, but at least I learned about that religion and I now want to tell as many people as I can of what's behind it. For God's love... don't get in that mess. Don't let him smooth-talk you away from the truth. Jesus said: 'I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me'Take care! ;)
A
male
reader, abinva0409 +, writes (27 November 2010):
I would talk to him about it you might find some common ground. I dated a Muslim girl, and it's way more complicated with Muslim girls than it is with guys because in Islam a Muslim man can marry a non-Muslim woman and she doesn't have to convert but a Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim man unless he converts. But we dealt with it and were fine.
What makes Christianity and Islam different is Jesus. Muslims do not believe that Jesus was divine or that he died on the cross, but they believe he was a prophet sent by God. Everything else, belief wise is fairly similar; Muslims believe in Abraham, Moses, David, Solomon etc. It's the rituals that are the major differences.
Because you are young it is highly unlikely that you and him will ever marry or have children. It's just the odds, young relationships don't always last. You are thinking way too far down the road, enjoy each other now. BUT, before if it does get serious (marriage, etc.) you need to have a frank discussion about marriage and how you want the kids to be raised to see if any kind of compromise could be found.
My relationship with the Muslim girl I dated ended not because of religious differences but because we were going two different places in life. I will always be thankful for the time I had with her but I know that it wasn't meant to be. If all else fails pray about it.
Good luck and God Bless
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): I'm in a similar situation, in love with a muslim boy, but in a sticky situation because I'm christian and we are both really serious about our religions. My boyfriend and I discuss religion all the time and study the bible and quar'an together. We ask eachother hard questions and its mutually understood that we want to convert the other person to our religion. I don't think that you should break up with your boyfriend just because you think there might be problems in the future. You might regret it. If you really like him, dont give up on him. Talk to him about your beliefs. If you talk to him about Christianity in a casual, nonargumentative way over an extended period of time, he might come to understand and convert. Know that it will take time, lots of time, for him to change, and he might not change at all. But if this guy is really important to you, dont just let him go. Yes, there might be heartbreak in the future, but sometimes things are worth the risk. I know its worth it to me. And all things are possibe through God, so call on Him.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (7 November 2010):
 Honestly, I dont think this can work. A friend of mine is now married to a Muslim man and has two children. She converted after severe pressure from HIS family. After they were married. They basically wouldnt talk to her until she did, wouldnt accept her at all (once they were married - weird that).
The two kids are being brought up as Muslims, and she gets no say in what they are taught - its basically his family who are in charge of everything. She just has to do as she is told. Her family are distraught, because the kids are now of an age where they are telling their maternal grandparents that what they believe and do is wrong and against gods will. The fathers family are now taking steps to try and stop them seeing their other grandparents.
My friend now wears full Muslim dress - because her husband tells her to.
She is a shadow of her former self. She has lost her sparkle and her vibrancy.
She left him for a week about a year ago, after that he told her if she ever did it again he would take the kids away and bring them up in another country with proper muslim morals and beliefs and she would never see them again. She is scared.
Think about this decision very carefully. If your partner hasnt told his family about you now - will he ever? Will his family accept you because you are not muslim. If his sister has already tried to convert you, what will his mother and father be like!?
Do you want your kids to be Christian or muslim - because I can tell you now.. you wont get a choice. They WILL be brought up as muslims. His family will make damn sure of that.
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A
female
reader, lacrymosa_652 +, writes (7 November 2010):
 Do you see yourselves as having a future together? Say if in a few years time you're still together and love each other, and you wanted to spend the rest of your lives together, would this be possible when you both are from different religions? Would his family disapprove or disown him? Would yours? Could you both live a good life together when you have different religious practices e.g. he goes to the mosque every day and you go to church once a week. Would it be difficult for you to bring up children together?
I know talking about marriage seems quite serious, as in it's only something that would happen wayyy into the future, but if you can't answer these questions in a positive light then I'm afraid there isn't much of a chance you both have a future together and it wouldn't work in the long-run. And the longer you stay together, the harder it's going to be to end things, and the more painful it will be.
I'm not saying this definitely can't work. But talk to your boyfriend and see where he stands on these issues, and if you don't see your relationship with your boyfriend going anywhere long-term, it's better to end things sooner rather than later, even though the relationship is good now. I'm sorry. But you could always stay friends, if that's possible.
Here's a real-life situation so you know you're not the only one going through this: I have a 19 year old friend who's Catholic, and her boyfriend [same age] is Muslim. They got together when they were 17. He's never been able to tell his family that he's with her, because of the differing religions, and when his sister found out recently, she urged my friend to convert. Now this isn't something my friend would ever want to do, as she's happy and proud to be a Christian, and he's not going to convert either. I'm sure she knows that in the long-run, their relationship will have to come to an end, but she says she loves him too much to end things with him now.
Sometimes it's better to just save yourself from the heartbreak and end something if you don't see things going anywhere.
But talk to your boyfriend first.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): its a different religion yes but not different God.God is one theres no other.i wass in the same situation with u but because i loved him i converted and i learned about this religion and i love it ,its a great religion.but you must decide what u want.goodluck
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A
female
reader, abioht  +, writes (7 November 2010):
hy there m a muslim girl. can only say tht u dnt reall have to convert urself if u dnt want caz a muslim can marry a cristian.so if ur bofrnd dnt have a problem u guys can go on with the relationship n the marriage thingy.but if ur boyfrnd force u to convert then the choice is up to u...
so u guys need to tok abt it nd decide wats best for u both.
goodluck:)
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A
female
reader, lamee  +, writes (7 November 2010):
 u don't need to convert for him u can keep urs and marry him if u guys can respect each others believes i think its might work for u guys (A Muslim man can marry a Christian woman ) its true ,, u can ask him how he feel bout it and then see if u should move on or let it go ,,
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 November 2010):
 Sorry, I meant : Muslim women CAN only marry Muslim men
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (7 November 2010):
A Muslim man can marry a Christian woman , according to his religion ( while , interestingly enough, Muslim women cannot only marry Muslim men ).
The problem would not be the technicalities of formalizing your union, therefore. The problems may arise from what you define correctly as a very different outlook and lifestyle. Trouble spots may be for instance the role of the woman in the couple and generally in society. Or the involvement of his family in your couple's social and financial life.
I would suggest you to get informed and read as much as you can about his religion, his culture, and his specific traditions, then you can make an informed decision knowing
if and how you would be able to compromise on certain things or bridge some unavoidable differences.
Personally, I think we always have to look for what unites us rather than for what divides us. Nevertheless, not always this is easy ,or even possible.
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