A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my husband and i dated for about 2 years , found out we were pregnant, got married when i was 5 months pregnant had a beautiful boy,about 10 months after we had our boy we separated for about 7 or 8 months and durring that time i started to see someone else it was one of our friends which yes i know cheating is wrong but my husband is no saint while i was pregnant he talked sexually online with other women and hurt me as well. i did fall for this other guy but after 7 or 8 months of bs fighting withh my husband over custody and visitation we reconsiled before getting divorced and are together now i figured if i stopped all contact with other guy then i would forget that we had everything in common he made me laugh helped with anything and did anything for me and the sex was amazing but i dont know if i reconciled with my husband so our son wouldnt have to go back and forth but we did . i have thought about the other guy every day its been about 4 to 5 months with no contact recently i received an email from him that read ( i will alwayz love you and i understand that u did what u thought was right for you and your son but know i will wait and care and love you with all my heart but whatever you do make yourself happy) both seem to say they love me and at home my husband and i argue a lot almost everyday he throws what i did in past into my face with excuses hes worried i will do it again even know i broke complete contact with other guy and he checks my phone and everything i do and questions everything i am pretty much under lock and key im not happy most of time because im always getting frustrated with him because everything is either his way or no way it feels . i feel lost i dont want to let my son down what do i do ? i think i could be happy with the other guy but i love my son and want him to be happy aswell he is only 1 and half doesnt know whats going on.. what do i do please help
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male
reader, Latino201 +, writes (7 November 2010):
I have to be blunt here. You both need to grow up. You had a child are both are not embracing parenthood and missing out on one of the best things in life. Seems you are both very selfish people. I can only recommend that you go out somewhere quiet, by yourselves and make a decision. Sounds like you are no longer in love and probably a very insecure person ( and most likely so is he). Ask yourself a question, why can't you just be by yourself for a while? Give your child the mother he deserves? Motherhood should be a time for you to grow/ mature. You should take advantage of this. A MAN is not always the answer to your needs.
A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (7 November 2010):
I agree completely with TWD's advice. I was in a miserable marriage, and tried to "make it work" for the sake of my daughter. I discovered the hard way that it is misguided to believe that staying together is always best. The truth is that no child should be raised in a toxic environment, filled with disharmony and fights.
I eventually filed for divorce and it turned out to be the best decision I made in a very long time. Things are so much better now for both my daughter and myself.
What I suggest is separating for a while, and don't see anyone on the side when you do. You need some "me" time to assess your situation and find the right path. Best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): Staying with your husband just because you don't want to upset your son is always the wrong way to go. You might think you're doing what's best for him but trust me you're not. I've never understood why parents don't realise that getting a divorce is a lot less damaging then a child growing up in a miserable household, with their parents yelling at each other all day long. You have no marriage, yes going by a piece of paper you're married but that's about it.
I think you need to at least separate for a while and decide if staying with your husband is what you really want because if it isn't don't hurt your son by making him live with two parents who are at each others throats. It's highly selfish.
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