A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So this is a bit of a sticky situation. Over a year ago, my best friend (turning 20 years old this December) was suicidal and I (just 18 this year) was her go to person. During one of her episodes she confessed that she couldn't be with the person she wanted so badly. I asked her who it was and she told me that it was me. To stop her from doing anything, I said yes. Looking back now, it was a dumb decision. But we dated happily (and quite in the closet) for around 7 months. Then I dumped her since she started drinking and I wanted nothing to do with it. 3 weeks later, I missed our quite conversations and such. We got back together with her promising to either pick alcohol or me. She agreed. She had regular slip ups but nothing as bad as before. Now I'm about to leave for college. She has much stronger feelings for me than I do for her. I don't think I'm bisexual while she thinks that I'm the end all be all for her. All of my friends just see us as basically friends with benefits (for me at least ~ they're all convinced that I'm not romantically attracted to her). I'm not so sure I am, I mean we've done stuff before (oral, fingering, the usual). Most of the time though, it's me turning her on and I stop her when she tries to get me. But both my parents know we're dating - however, neither of her's do. My other best friend of 3 years (a guy) finally come out to me that he had a major crush on me. He's the guy that my parents have told me to date and that he's the kind of guy you get married to and fall in love with. I really like him. One problem, he dated my current girlfriend already. He's a sweet guy and most of my friends hate my girlfriend and love him. She's convinced I'll leave her for him.So I don't know if the feelings I have for my girlfriend are just because she was such a close friend in the first place and I have trouble saying no? Or just something else?The last issue is that there's this new girl who's caught my eye. She's gorgeous and spunky and different. She's very openly bi and we've flirted before. We even had phone sexting before too. So I'm so confused whether it's just my girlfriend that I might not be attracted to or women in general?I swear, this makes me seems like such a slut but I'm just normally a friendly and easy-going person. I'm touchy and feely so I have this nasty habit of making guys (and girls) fall in love with me. I hold their hand, cuddle at night, and hug them closely. It's just how I grew up. But along with that, I also have issues staying interested in the same person for a long period of time.Do I stay with my girlfriend? Do I go out with my other best friend instead? Do I try for a completely new relationship with another girl? Or do I forget them all and just enjoy college (6 hours away from home) and see what happens there being single?Oh last point, I don't cheat on my girlfriend, so if the case is going out with someone else, I wouldn't just "test the waters" so to speak. I'd break up with her and end it for good. Help needed!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (25 July 2011):
 Go to college single. The relationship with your girlfriend is not working, you should have never agreed to it in the first place and the way you are continuing, you are only going to hurt her.
As for the other 2 - well you cant truly know how you feel about them whilst you are in a relationship. They may just be a distraction from your current relationship problems, they may be lust, it might be you are just flattered by the attention, it might be that they are a rebound. You simply cant tell what these people are to you until you have broken up with your girlfriend and spent some time alone to fully realise your feelings.
So take some time out from dating, keep these other 2 as friends if you want but just be single for a while. College is going to change you loads anyway, relationships are incredibly difficult to keep going once you go to college so if you can avoid starting anything new that would be a really good thing.
And keep this one thing in mind - you might not be physically cheating on your girlfriend, but you are having phone sex with another girl and are developing feelings for other people which is emotional cheating. You have to end your relationship right away, you have already done some pretty bad things and it is not fair on your girlfriend.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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