A
female
age
36-40,
*egocat1
writes:I am falling for 2 men, I can't seen to choose who to stay with! one i have been with for 6 years we are both the same age 6 days apart even lol i loved but i have started losing my spark with him. he used to be romantic now he's not hasn't been for 5 years. i work and go to school he wouldn't find a job he's gained weight he wont change his bad hygiene and he used to be abusive 3-4 years ago. your he once was my world now i feel guilt and love when i see him. his family adores me and i adore them. he knows about the other guy, the moment he found out he got a job he was crushed he said to me im still with him debating whether or not to pack my bags and go. i do love him but yet the other guy i've known him for a little over a 2 years now he and i we good friend and co. workers he's younger then me im 23 and he's 21. he lives in a different state his been out there a year we start flirting on the phone but i guess i've always liked him. he's moving back to be with me on friday omg and know i should be happy but im not i feel guilty. part of me cares and loves the other guy all i know is that. the guy i've been friends with for a 2 years makes me laugh makes feel good about myself says the most sweetest things he's romantic every morning i get a msg saying good morning beautiful and at night i get good night beautiful and so much more. i have phone chemistry but beyond that i dont know, we're friends so we never consider this possiblty we've never kissed so i dont know if we have physical chemistry all i know is his all i think about there's only one problem with him, well ok a few, he told me his a schizophrenic and a compulsive liar with a heart condition who has till the age of 33 to live. i was devastated when he told me this i cried of the phone of course i didnt want him to see me cry. boy i know how to pick them huh! im so conflicted any adivce or idea would be greatly appreciated.
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crush, flirt, liar, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2012): No don't stay with your boyfriend.
No dont' get with the schizophrenic guy.
there is no rule that says you HAVE to be with someone or in a relationship at all times.
neither of this guys is good for you. don't be with either of them.
"he told me his a schizophrenic and a compulsive liar with a heart condition who has till the age of 33 to live"
since he's a compulsive liar why do you believe him about his heart condition and that he will die when he is 33?
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (30 April 2012):
LOL LOL @ eyeswideopen
agreed
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 April 2012):
 Guy one: no spark, bad hygiene, abusive, unemployed, and you are not attracted to him
Guy two: liar, schizophrenic (probably the hardest of mental illnesses to work with) heart condition (there is no way they told him he will live till 33… doctors don’t predict that sort of thing, so that’s manipulation he can add to his list of traits)
I vote for NONE OF THE ABOVE….
it's time for you to be alone and figure out your life FOR YOU.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 April 2012):
 I'd say go with neither. They are both a bad fit.
Dump your BF, enjoy being single, find out what YOU like and want in life.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (30 April 2012):
This is a no-brainer. I mean, listen to yourself:
"Should I stay with my boyfriend of 6 years even though the spark has gone? Or leave him for the schizophrenic, compulsive liar who I've only ever flirted with over the phone? "
Yeah, from that description they both sound like great choices for you *sarcasm*. Seriously, why do you have to be with either of them? Like Aunty BimBim said, is there some kind of law against being single? Dump your bf, cut contact with mr.weirdo and get used to not being with a boyfriend for a while. That's not all life is about, you know...
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 April 2012):
 I'd go with the schizophrenic. It would be like dating a variety of people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2012):
You do not have to make a choice do you, not between these two. One is over because the spark is gone the other is some bloke at the end of a phone who SAYS he is a compulsive liar and a schizophrenic.
I have a feeling the phone friend is a wynd up and testing to see how much he can get away with before your put off.Up to now your happy to leave your partner of 6 years,home, everything, for him, a self confessed liar and all the rest, who you have never met let alone kissed.
Try being single.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 Is there a law against you NOT having a boyfriend. What a choice!
have you considered the fact its a good chance the compulsive liar is lying about dying at age 33? It could simply be a clever ploy to get into your knickers. It would be very unusual for a medical professional to state anything so definite! The guy has told you he is a compulsive liar, so where is your brain?
As for the boyfriend you seem to have lost the spark for, maybe the two of you have grown apart, it might be time for you both to try it on your own.
Do yourself a favour, and do the honest thing with your boyfriend, break up with him, you are effectively cheating him already with your lusting over the compulsive liar.
Try life on your own for a while, regroup, decide what direction you want your life to take, be proactive, you are not going to expire just because there is no man in your life.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 Based on the title, go with NEITHER, and stay single.
He's a compulsive liar who probably lied to you already about tons of things, and the only reason you haven't busted him on it is because it's long-distance and on the phone. In real life he'll just break your heart and spirit. Take his warning seriously rather than live in a fairy tale where you and him have any chance of happiness. When the man himself tells you he is a schizophrenic, compulsive liar... well it is time then to get rid of any romantic thoughts, unless you enjoy putting yourself through misery. He might as well have told you "I'm a womanizing, aggressive man" and yet you'd go "should I be with him?" NOOOOOO.
As for your man of 5 years. Yes, it sounds like that relationship is over. You've already carried on an emotional affair with someone else for 2 whole years, you're dreaming of another man (although that man is just a fantasy). And you're not "falling" for him like you first stated. You're falling OUT of love, not in.
Neither man is for you, and I think being single will do you good. One should not jump from one relationship to another. Jumping from one relationship to another and never being single says something about your ability to stand on your own two feet, and it also says something about how you have a need for men to "complete" you. If this is how you are then you're likely to go with ANY man that shows interest in you, because you take any man over being single. And this is bad, because you'll end up with the first and best, when waiting it out, and staying single, gives you many more opportunities to meet GOOD men who are right for you. Instead you're actually considering this guy who you know over the phone who is a compulsive liar...
Raise the bar, compulsive liars are NOT boyfriend material. Stay single for a while and you'll get a better look at what your options are. Don't settle for compulsive liars.
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