A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there.My boyfriend of 2 years wants us to live together and I want to wait until we're married. I know for sure if I said let's move in together he would do it tomorrow but I have realised over the past month or two he's not exactly rushing around trying to get engaged or plan a wedding although we have discussed it and we want to marry one another. Why's he so quick off the mark with one and so slow with the other? We will get married anyway whether we live together or not won't we? Or am I wrong about this? Am I missing something here?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): "Why's he so quick off the mark with one and so slow with the other?"
Shacking up requires no obligation or commitment on his part, marriage does; as the old saying goes "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"
"We will get married anyway whether we live together or not won't we?"
Doubtful. I suspect he has no desire or intention to marry you, he's just telling you what you want to hear so he can continue having sex with you without obligation or commitment. Why buy the cow when the milk is free?
"Or am I wrong about this?"
Not "wrong" as much as "naive" and maybe "gullible."
"Am I missing something here?"
Yes, you need to realize that a guy will tell a girl anything she wants to hear in order to have (or continue having) sex with her. Don't pay any attention to what a guy SAYS, pay attention to what he DOES (or in your case, what he's NOT doing).
Stay true to yourself and don't waver from what you believe is right. No guy is worth compromising your standards, if he doesn't respect your values then he doesn't respect you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2012):
Wait till you have a ring on your finger. He is going for the easy option which is no frills. An engagement ring a proposal..along with a date, tell him that.
I had an 8yr engagement and would not commit to a date to marry,just wasnt sure it was forever or he was THE one.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 Personally, and this may be what your boyfriend is thinking, I like to live together before marriage to see if we can comfortably mesh our schedules together. Not to mention when a couple lives together, they really get to see one another for who they truly are.
Even though you can be engaged and live together, I can see where he may want to hold off on buying an expensive ring and make sure you two shackable first.
The only one who can answer your question is your boyfriend. You should properly communicate with him and see if he wants this living arrangement to turn into marriage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2012): My husband wanted this as well and asked me many times to move in with him. I kept saying no and I finally told him that it wasn't going to happen until I was engaged or married. About 2 months later he proposed with a ring. Had I moved in with him, I'm sure I'd still be waiting on the ring and he would have put it off for a couple of years or I'd have to set deadlines.
In my experience and with many women I've known, most men won't propose if you are already living with them. You never want to pressure a man to propose but definitely don't give them everything they want until they do.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 I'm in agreement with SVC.
Stick to your guns on this. If you're good enough to live with, you're good enough to marry.
In the event of a separation, even when children are involved, a common law wife does not have the same protection a legal wife does, so don't make any compromises.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 April 2012):
 have you asked him why he's so quick to want to live with you but not marry you?
you really need to ask him... I'm betting that he doesn't think that you are the right girl for him but he's willing to settle on living together.
or he may not believe in marriage..
the problem with that is that even men that do not believe in marriage change their minds when they meet the right woman... I've seen 50 year old life long bachelors get engaged several times when the right woman came along.
my 38 yr old fiance told me when we started our affair that he thought marriage was stupid and he was not getting married ever... we are getting married October 6th...
my father has lived with his gf for 15 years... he will never marry her... not that she wants to get married....
so just because you move in together does not mean you will get married.
I would personally settle that issue before you plan to move in because i'm betting he does not see living together as a gateway to marriage.
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