A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok here goes Married for 18 years. 7 years ago I had an affaire ( Yes, I think i was in love not just sex). wife found out 5 years ago after it was over. Never had one before or since. Still married coming up on 19th year. But, She can't let in go after 5 years. No question,I messed up big time and very lucky she even stuck around. We do sitll have Sex it's ok... but sometime she'll will ask what it was like with the other person, before, during and after. That a turn off form me. We have a 17 year old and my wife told her the minute she found out, she was 12. What do I do or can I do anything? I want to stay We have move over 500 miles away,thought the affair was not the ony reason we move. Any advise? The crazy thing she want kis my neck any more or french kiss me all else is good. I love my wife sorry I messed up but not sure after 5 years if i should still have to deal with it.
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female
reader, BROKEN HEARTS +, writes (24 September 2010):
I've been thru the same thing five years ago my husband cheated on me for eight months, just found out he confessed to me said it was bothering him cause he loves me so much.I forgave him but it still in the back of mind i did something wrong, your wife probably feels the same way. Its one of the hardest thing I've every had to do but i love him so were trying to make it work,talking is the best way for me to deal with it. we talk alot about it and I let him talk about his feelings also,were both hurting really bad right now.but in bed is probably the last place you want to talk about it, good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): You "messed up"? You basically chose another woman over her. You destroyed her. Imagine if she had been lying to you for 7 years, having some wild fling with another dude who she ACTUALLY fell for. You say the love bit like it makes you look better but it doesn't. It makes you look worse. Choosing to love someone else is much worse than choosing to just have some sex.
You need to practice some empathy here. You totally shattered her entire world, and now you think it can all be fixed in just 5 short years? She might never be totally okay again. Go to counseling and get some help- she really needs it.
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (24 September 2010):
 Imagine you found out five years ago that your wife had had an affair an affair which lasted 7 years. You name it, she hung out with the guy, said I love you's, made passionate love with him.... HOW would you feel?
Be more empathetic here. It must hurt beyond words. Go to counseling.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 September 2010):
 I would highly suggest some couples counceling. She may have "forgiven" you but she hasn't let it go. She needs to deal with everything she's feeling and I think professional help will get you through this. To truely forgive someone, you have to be willing to move on and put it behind you. This is very difficult to do and she obviously has forgiven you on one level, but not completely.
It is my hope that with some help, you'll be able to reach the deeper level of forgiveness that will help your relationship move on. I know people in similar situations who that has worked for. I hope it can work for you.
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