A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello(I'm 23 he's 24)I met a guy in December last year. We just exchanged contact information and almost a week passed before any of us contacted the other.After about a week of texting, he asked me out. I've dated quite a lot for someone my age I've been told, but this date was the most fun I've ever had.We went from "seeing each other" to "in a relationship" withing almost exactly a month after meeting.We saw each other once every 2-3 weeks and sometimes (very few times) once a week.By may we made plans on going ton vacation with each other, and as we'd both be moving for school right after our vacation I had my stuff moved out of my old place to his 2 weeks before our vacation. 1 week before the vacation I went back to my home town.We had planned on going to the same town to study. But after we came back home from our vacation we found out that we got in in different towns.I felt like my whole world was falling apart. We had to choose, either one waits another year or we try Long Distance.. We choose Long Distance.. As I've been in a Long Distance Relationship before, I thought I'd be more than fine. As I was completely fine last time.It's not the case this time.. I miss him too much I think.. It's not been almost 3 months.. He's visited me once and I just got back from visiting him last weekend. It hurt to leave him and go back to my current town. I cried almost the whole time after I decided to sleep. For the first time I got puffy eyes after crying.. I cried silently constantly for hours.I'm considering taking a break on my studies and just going to the town he lives in (which also happens to be my home town... and I'm 430km away from it) and start again next year. My problem with that is that my current town is the only one that has this study-line..I've asked him what he felt about me just leaving this town and going to his(my home town). He told me he'd welcome me with open arms, and that even though he'd never ask for it, it's what would make him the most happy, but he wants me to do what's right for me alone.. He's also mentioned dropping out and coming here and starting over next year... But I would never let him do that, he's worked so hard for it..Our plan was for him to try to transfer here next year.. But I'm having a really hard time here by myself.. I don't know anyone here.. I attended every event that was held for students and tried really hard to get to know someone.. But again, as always, I can't seem to make any friends. While everyone around me always walk around with people. 4 students on my line and they make plans to meet after class while I'm in the bathroom or something since they meet up a lot and I've never heard of it even though I hand out with them during the break between our class..I'm lonely. I've been alone without being lonely.. I've been alone most of my life because I can't seem to make any friends, but I've never felt lonely before. Yet after meeting my current boyfriend, I've noticed I'm really really lonely..I'm sorry if this is really messily written.. I don't know what's relevant or not either.. I wanna try my best here but I'm feeling more and more scared that I'll fail all my exams and assignments..
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (1 October 2014):
 I also wondered why you are operating with two different set of rules. You wouldn't want him to sacrifice anything for you, yet you're more than happy to throw yourself under the bus for him? Why's that? After all, he has more of a reason to come to you, as your current city is the only one with the line you are studying! Haven't you worked JUST AS HARD to get there, as he has?
And, wasn't your current city the city you originally AGREED to be living in, and then he discovered all of a sudden that he needed to go to another city? Because after all, your current city is the only one with your study line, so that must have been the plan. This can only mean one thing: he failed to work hard enough, so he didn't get into his original school, and had to go somewhere else because his grades were not good enough. Right? Or he missed an application deadline?
Whatever the reasons, it is clear to me that he is the one who should be moving to you, if anyone is moving anywhere. I find it quite odd that he's not even suggesting this, when you have already suggested that you move. This to me sounds like he is selfish and worried about himself first, not even thinking about the possibility that HE should take a year off and go be with you, or alternatively start studying in your current city. Transfers CAN be made mid-year, as far as I am aware.
Either way, whether he be selfish or not, you should absolutely NOT move. No man is worth giving up your hopes and dreams for. If you want to study something, and your current city is the only place where you can study this, and you got in and you're almost half way there, then do not think about dropping out.
Besides, there's vacations here and there where you can see one another, it's not 9 months until you see him again.
If you do end up dropping out for HIM, and moving cities FOR HIM, with nothing to do in the new city.. what will happen if you don't find work in the new city? Will you be broke? Use up all your savings? Live off of him? What if you break up? You'll have moved and dropped out and lost all that money for nothing? It costs money to move, you know. And it costs you time, and entire year, to get back to where you are now in your studies. The risk, in my opinion, is too high. You can't afford to chance it. If he proposes and marries you, then fine, move away to be with him and drop your studies. But unless he commits in such a solid way to you, then under no circumstance should you drop everything for him.
You have yourself and your own future to take care of. If you don't take care of it, then no one will. Think about yourself first, and what is the best for YOU (without him being a factor).
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2014): It's really hard now but just try and think of the bigger picture. Don't just give up on your studies for him, that wouldn't be wise that's seriously important so just try and crack on with it as best you can.If you two are really going to last, then this is such a small amount of time in comparison to spending the rest of your lives together. It's hard now to leave and go back to your studies but each time you visit and come home, you're that bit closer to finishing your studies and being together. This will test your relationship but in the long run you could find it makes you stronger, if you can get through this then whatever else gets thrown at you will be easier because at least then you've got each other. You say your never let him give up his studies because he's worked hard. So have you; so continue and hold onto the hope that once it's over you won't have to go through this again. You don't want to be extending your time spent studying, at least this way you get your qualification and can have a job with good pay, in the field you want, so you lives together will be that bit more stable and enjoyable.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 October 2014):
 No no no . You stay were you are, follow your planned study program , try to make things better if you can and to though them out if you cannot, and reunite after 9 months according to your original plan. First things first, and your studies and future are more important of any boy who ( sorry, but it's true ) can be here today and gone tomorrow. What happens if you move to his town ... and after a month you break up for some reason ? ( it's not like these things have never been heard of !1 ) You say that you'd never let him make such a sacrifice for you ... but you don't see anything wrong in him letting YOU make such a sacrifice for him ?!
Plus, you can't live your life and make your important choices, based on romance or on uncomfortable moods. You make them based on what 's best for you in the greaterr scheme of things with an eye to your ultimate goal and general vision. That's a very bad habit to take, to run to mommy ( in this case, your bf ) at the first difficulty
( a spell of boredom and loneliness ).
It's only 9 months , for ctying out loud. I am confident that thing WILL be better, until you are a bit more familiar with your environment, or until you make some further effort to break ice ( joining clubs, organizations, extra school activities ? Inviting classmates over ?... you'll come with something up. Necessity is the mother of invention .) Or, you will adjust to the status quo, as a matter of fact you can turn it into a positive- if you don't have much of a social thing going on, this means you have a lot of time for studying hard and getting good grades.
But, worst case scenario... it 's 9 months, not nine years ! Pretend you are in jail, or in hospistal, and know there's light for sure at the end of the tunnel .
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