A
female
age
30-35,
*asa
writes:A new Cindrella story!!!! Any advice, please?I've been dating a man for some time,who is much older than me.After many years of hard work,he managed to have fame and money too through his talent.he's a musician.He's not extravagantly rich,not even rich at all.He is middle class.I come from a good middle-class family too.I've been to good schools,I'm well-educated,very much into arts,studied literature,learning a bit of music.However,there's something I've been worrying about for some time.My parents have rather chosen to invest what they have in my education rather than what most married couples do;as moving into a bigger apartment or buying new furniture.We live in a very small place not in the gutters but in a local,noisy area.The house is very chaotic with old-fashioned furniture,odds and ends everywhere,walls need new paint.We are not poor,we have a small fortune indeed.I've been to my man's new house,it's a duplex with a tiny garden in a quiet area.He has dogs and a car.No servants,no driver.He does everything for himself;the housework,cooking.He's very humble and kind.He's never been to my house.I want to invite him but I am afraid of what he might say about me living in such an ugly place.He knows about my background,which compared to his when he was my age,it's pretty much the same.I get embarrassed whenever I want to invite him to have dinner at home.It's sad when I think I can't show him my place.He doesn't seem to care much about money and I am embarrassed to ask him if this can be a problem to our relationship. We are not poor.The real problem is that my house is old,small. My mother is ashamed of the house.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2014): If he's "not rich at all," humble and kind, then he will have no problem with your house. If he does have a problem with it, then HE has a problem. That would be pretty shallow to judge you and your family based on your house. Not pretty shallow, VERY SHALLOW. Would you still like him if he wasn't successful and lived in a bad part of town?
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 October 2014):
 You write..
"The real problem is that my house is old,small. My mother is ashamed of the house."
That is NOT the real problem. The real problem is YOU are ashamed. You want him to think your background is as classy as you are. The size of the house, the clutter and not having matching furniture, that is REALITY. WHY not just tell him? He is after all DATING YOU, not your parents house.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 October 2014):
 I would not worry so much, if I were you. In fact, I would not give it a second thought.
First, your guy does not seem the type to give much importance to material possessions, and it does not sound like owns too many himself. Second, that's not really YOUR house,is it ? It's yor parents'. Obviously it's not your fault if they have chosen not to move to a better neighborhood, or not to redecorate their place , or if they want to keep all their old odds and ends. Their taste in home furnishing, or their financial choices, do not necessarily match yours and do not have to reflect on you . I think that any intelligent person would get that instinctively . Not to mention, that if he really likes you, you could live in the city dumpster and he would like you regardless.
P.S. If by chaotic you means that it looks very messy and untidy, you can volunteer to give it yourself a good straightening out ( without throwing away anything of your parents' possession without their permission ! ). But that, I think, you could / should do it anyway, regardless of your musician .....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2014): If you parents have a small fortune why do they have a shabby house? If your mother is so embarrassed by your House why she doesn't buy another house? I don't think it's a matter of money with your family, it's just choices they make. For example we love to travel, we spend a lot of money on traveling, but we have too old cars. We do have a nice house but not as nice as we could afford, because frankly I don't care about a bigger Ouse, but don't take away my travelings.,Also you said walls need painting, that's not that hard, even you can do. Furniture also can be replaced for relatively smal sum of money. I think your parents choose not to do anything with the house , not that they can't afford. I really don't understand how your boyfriends attitude toward you can depend on a house you live in. Ts not even your Ouse, it s your parents.
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