A
female
age
36-40,
*ngelwings
writes:I am a 22 year old married girl. i have been married for about 5 months. anyways i hate being married and a wife. i have been talking to the first guy i have loved and wanted to date the whole time i was married and before. we never stopped talking even when he was in a relationship and i wasnt. anyways i agreee now people should live together b4 they get married. we moved in together and as soon as we moved in together i was like man i hate this and he was like i love living with you. at the time his parents had already bought my dress, and we had sent out invitations etc... so even though i knew i didnt want to do it its like i still felt pressured. so anyways like 2 months ago, the other guy came in town and we slept together. i loved it. and he loved it a lot too. which bring me to another thing i have never had any desire to have sex with my husband. with the other guy its instant. he told me he didnt date me before my current husband because he knew i was a virgin and that if we had got together during that and something went wrong that i would be hurt and not talk to him anymore. now he says i wish i could have decided then that being with you would have been more important. we both regret what we have done since then and we really just want to be with each other. he came back in town last weekend, he drove 6 hours, and when i saw him he hugged me and said this makes it all worth it. what do you guys think i should do? i think its pretty obvious my mind is made up.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): Ok really you think your mind is made up? You weren't even sure about the marriage, you did it and now look at what you've done. Now two guys are acting like idiots for you. I don't think you should have married him in the first place or even move in with him. I dont think you understand what marriage is or what love is for that matter. Ddefinitely get divorced since you commited adultry, not something a marriage usually recovers from especially if you aren't happy about it. You say you agree with moving in first and I say you're wrong. Instead of living together you should have spent more time learning about each other. This would have let you realize you dont realy love him and definitely would not have encouraged his parents to buy you a dress. And incase you dont know I said you don't know what real love is because it really isn't just endless talking and flirtyness. (a mistake is see a lot on this website) Its also not driving a million miles just to hug you, thats cute but not really love, more like a crush. You dont get married for this kind of "love" and you most certainly don't get married because you don't want to disappoint his parents. It disappoints m that you would do something so thoughtless just because you felt "pressured".
You should split up with your husband.
But I don't think I agree with you getting with your first "love". Its probably only infatuation as all first loves are. Rarely do they move beyond that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): Honestly, I think you've acted a little badly about this ... I know it's hard to refuse someone you adore (trust me, I've been there), but at the same time, you owe yourself more than being branded with the cheater iron. If I were in your situation, I think I would at least separate from my husband and see where it goes. You may find yourself missing him. If not, at least you'll have spared the both of you a lot of heartache and upset.
I hope you can figure this one out. =)
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (9 December 2007):
 Yeah. You should at once divorce your poor husband. Before you hurt him any more. You have effectively ended this marriage anyway didn't you?
But even though you felt pressured, no body actually pressured you did they? You could have said no...
But you did not.
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A
female
reader, bellachic385 +, writes (9 December 2007):
 Wow.
I would say go with your heart and divorse your husband who you never really really wanted to marry. It's too bad that they basicly pressured you into marrying him but now that you know what that feeling is of just wanting another person go for it. Go get that guy who will love you and be dedicated to you. (driving 6 hrs to hug you.)
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007): Why did you get married in the first place?? It sounds like you felt pressured... but man... obviously you didn't take your marriage vows too seriously if you've been married 5 months and already cheated on him. I feel bad for your husband. But maybe you should tell him while you still have plently of the rest of your life left!!!
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