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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: ive been with my husband 19 years married for 13 with 2 children 16 and 14 but recently found out he slept with another woman 16 years ago a couple of times and he may have fathered a child im in pieces what do i do i love this guy to pieces Reply to this Question
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female
reader, straight to the truth  +, writes (7 July 2010):
I can see how this ca tear your world apart especally to find out there may be another child envolved.Firstly you need to find out if she is the only one because if you accept it and then you find out there were more then there is no recovering from the second betrayal. if you get all of the facts now then it gives you a chace to work out what you want to do and then move on from this mess.his betrayal is dreadful and unforgivable however he has also shown that for the last 16 yrs he has proven that he can be a trusting loving husband and hopefully his mistake was a oe off in which case if you can move on from this then you can start to rebuild your life and come to terms with this.you dont have to forgive or forget but you need to address the situation and come to terms with it before you can start to rebuild your lives together.if you dont think you can salvage your marriage then dont live in misery.I really hope things work out ok for you and hope there isn't anything else and that you can rebuild your marriage.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 Talk to him. Then decide what you need from him in order for you to trust him again. This is not a little fling or a "mistake" he slept with another woman and was stupid enough to not use protection.
How did you find out?
It may not be a bad idea to look for some marriage counseling. Separate and together. If you don't want to do that I strongly suggest you find a neutral third party to help you talk this out.
One thing you HAVE to bear in mind is this, it happened a LONG time ago, while it is fresh in your mind he has rationalized it a way a long time ago.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): Interrogate him as to why he nevertold you!! I couldn't blame you if you never trusted him again, I think you should tell him you might never be able to trust him
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