A
female
age
41-50,
*anna
writes:Hi everyone!Lately I’ve been thru a hard time with my husband (we’re not officially married, but living together for 3 years), we’re both 32 yo, we have a son together of 2 years old. We’re from different countries and currently living in South-East Asia.I think our relationship has come to a point where we’re only staying together because of our son. I even don’t know if I still have any love left for him, and I’m not sure he loves me. We had troubles in our family from the beginning which deteriorated over the last year. My husband gave me silent treatment whenever we argued or had a disagreement, each of them lasted for a couple of days at first, then he “extended” it till 1 or 2 weeks straight and each time I had to come to him to apologize and reconcile coz otherwise it would go on forever.After each silent treatment I was always looking into what I did wrong, and thought maybe I was too rude myself, or I said something inappropriate until I found myself tiptoeing around him to make sure he would not go into silence again, but no matter how hard I tried there was something that set him off, and I got another treatment (as an example, he suggested me to wear something he wanted for a particular event and I decided to wear something else, and he didn’t talk to me for several days after that).He’s also very emotional, after several arguments he packed his stuff and left us, for about a week. He came back and apologized and promised it would never happen again. Even when we have “good days”, he was always critical about things I did, like he disliked my cooking, or the way I played with our son etc. I taught myself not to take it close, but I felt hurt every time he said I did things wrong.Last months we got even more distant, and have no intimacy. And 3 weeks ago we had another argument and he’s silent since then. It started because I asked him to look for a job. For the last few years he worked for 8 months only, and quit in March. He said we would be looking for a job, but I noticed that he didn’t. It’s not that I pushed him hard to work but I just told him that with my income alone we’re a bit tight financially, and it’s true.In the same time he’s a good father to our son, he helps me with him during the day, and helps around house too. And if we do separate, I assume we will end up living far away from each other as I will come back to my home country with my son.There is no physical violence in our house. But when he’s silent it’s very hard on me, sometimes I get so depressed, coz he behaves like if I don’t exist at all.I just want a normal communication, I tried to ignore, tried to talk, nothing works.I don’t depend financially on him as I mentioned, I don’t work but I have a property that brings me income for living, I’m also looking for a full-time job.My question is should we go on living like this for our son, who loves his daddy so much? Is there a chance to work and change our relationship to a better one?Thank you so much!
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female
reader, Fredthefrog  +, writes (24 May 2012):
Well that is a tricky one because obviously you want the best for your son but you have to think about yourself sometimes too!!
You could try couples counselling if you and him want to make things better!! Don't worry your son about it but if you are going to split up you have got to tell him nicely and gently and ensure that he keeps a strong relationship with both you and his dad!!
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