A
male
age
41-50,
*anielM
writes:Why is she doing this to me? and is she playing hard to get or not?I am a guy aged 35 (currently married but on separation) who is interested in female working colleague. She is a 43 year old widow who has one a 17 year old son. We have been working together for 5 years now and have been friends for quite a while now. Correct me if i am wrong here, because I might have failed to decode signals she was sending me. Each time I visited her office, we would talk for long periods like 45 minutes to an hour or so. She would ask or encourage me on my future plans, whilst chatting with she would attentively watch every body movement I made in form of hand gestures and so. She was very talkative. She would occasionally at times come and sit in my office and chat. Working and sharing our offices with other staff, I didnt want to attract attention that I was attracted and into her. So I have never told any of my colleagues that I was attracted to her and intended to ask her out. I also observed at times she would expose her cleavage at times and not look offended if i stealing looked at her chest. I took this as a come on signal, meaning to say please ask me out. So, not wanting to attract attention at work, I decided to send her emails asking her about her day, work gossip and so on and I then started asking personal questions, such as are you in a relationship, what do you on weekends etc She said that being in relationship was tricky and that she was not seeing anyone, because most of the potential guys would be married and going out with married guys was taboo to her. She also said she spent her weekends with her son. I told her that I really enjoyed her company in an email, and she responded by saying that I was a blessing and wouldnt know what to do if I wasnt there. Each time we were communicating on email, she would respond about 10 minutes to 3 hours after my email. I asked for her mobile number, and she give to me in less 3 minutes of my email. My problem arose from this point. I texted her only once saying I quote "Can you guess what I am thinking abt?" She did not respond until the next day which was a weekend saying I quote " I love you D but like a brother" So reply saying " I know that you love me too, but is this not incest?, I will call you in 10min” I then called her and the first thing when she did when I asked her abt the text message was to laugh. She told me that that was the problem with men, because a woman was friendly they took advantage, she went on to say that she knew it would hurt my feelings and that she went on to lecture me abt what it would to my relationship with my kids for abt 10 minutes if they found out. I didnt say anything but listened and thanked her for advise and I said I would think abt it. Come Monday morning we meet in the office corridor and I greet her, though I was rushing out off the office, I spare a minute to chat with her. I noticed that she was not comfortable and could not look at me in the eye as in our previous meetings. Following day I send her an email asking her abt her day. She responded politely saying it was fine. No communication for over a week, she sends me an email addressed to and 2 other workmates stationed in the remote part of the country all with the names beginning with the letter D. The email states that she woke up and thought abt me and she decided to pray for me. I am absent at work and do not see this email until the Monday the next week. I reply to it thanking her for the prayer. From that, no communication for over a week and half apart a sms and email I send her asking if she is still alive and inspirational quotes from the internet. She has not responded to both the text and email. Should continue perusing her or move on?
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at work, I love you, incest, move on, period, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (24 May 2012):
 I think you have misread the situation entirely.
What you took to be a sexual invitation, she meant as courtesy and platonic affection.
The whole point of 'stealing glances' at her chest is so she doesn't notice, correct? It's no great leap to think you might have succeeded. And even if she did notice it, what wuld you have her do? Announce it? Smack you for it?
She made eye contact, seemed interested in what you had to say, expressed concern where appropriate, listened to details. That is what people do in polite society.
She is not playing hard to get. She just isn't interested in you sexually and the friendship she thought she had with you is done. Now she has to keep you at arms length lest you misunderstand again.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 May 2012):
 MOVE ON
"I love you like a brother" says it all
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