A
female
age
36-40,
*uffytheSlayer
writes:There is this guy that recently told me that he is really into me and would like to have a somewhat long-term relationship with him. The thing is, he is 14 years older, and he comes from a culture that differs substantially from mine. He generally tends to invite me over for tea or food, where we have long conversations and his body language expresses his desire for more than friendship (touching my arm, playing with my hair, staring deeply into my eyes). I'm not convinced I have feelings for him, it might just be the fact that I like the type of attention he gives me. Since its been almost two months, and we haven't really established the relationship (friends or something more) nothing past a peck on the cheek, and odd conversations about sex, i recently invited his roommate over to spend time with me, and this guy ended up coming to my place and expressing deep anger and frustration that his roommate is socializing with me(jealousy more or less). He claimed to have feelings for me, and deep respect, and that he didnt like that his roommate was coming on his turf. The thing is though, he never puts effort into seeing me, but once I do come over or he visits me he becomes super sweet and touchy-feely, though we've never so much as kissed, so I don't really get it, and he doesn't really let me talk when we converse. I also recently found out that when he was with his last girlfriend, he was really sweet to her at the beginning until she became his girlfriend, and then he became all distant and stopped caring, hugging, and showed her no respect. This all being from the point of view of people who saw them together. I don't want something like to happen. I don't want to be some object of affection he needs to win over and then throws away when he's bored. We've never gone on a single date, and when he does invite me out, he never keeps it or mentions anything about it when the time comes.
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female
reader, BuffytheSlayer +, writes (24 November 2009):
BuffytheSlayer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh and biggest red flag of them all. He`s still with his ex-girlfriend, as a sex buddy.
But definately thanks for re-organizing it, its clearer than daylight. I should go for his roommate.
A
female
reader, old-spinstah  +, writes (24 November 2009):
When you describe this guy all I see is a load of red flags
1) He is a different age and from a different culture - not necessarily a bad thing but indicative that you both may need to work extra hard at the relationship.
2) He became angry and possessive and felt disrespected when you tried to be friends with his room-mate. (this could be understandable if you and he were an established couple but you're not at the moment)
3) He doesn't make much of an effort to see you. You don't date or do stuff together.
4) He doesn't let you talk when you're together. I understand this to mean that he does most of the talking which I would interpret to mean that he has no interest in your opinions whatsoever (or even if you have opinions.)
5) He had an ex partner who, once he had her in a relationship, he stopped showing her affection and treated her with disrespect. He may well repeat this behaviour with you.
You don't say whether he has actively pursued a relationship with you but I would be tempted to steer clear of him in that respect. He sounds controlling....
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