A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I basically got played by a guy I had met a few times. The third time I was out with a load of guys and he didn’t seem to like it and was acting a bit jealous and possessive. He thought it was strange for a girl to be out with a group of guys. He starting being really nice, holding my hand, putting his arm around my waist, asking me to kiss him. When he got me away from my friends and into a taxi he started to change, he wasn’t as pleasant as he had been. It is a long story and I am a little traumatised by it. I ended up sleeping with him but not even spending the entire night with him. It was quick and he just satisfied himself and got ready to leave. He actually called himself a ****head and said “at least I called you a taxi”. He did seem a bit scared of me by the end, he said he was waiting for me to hit him. I don't want to be with him yet I don't see why he should get away with it. I am the sort of person that when I get upset I don't feel better until I have had a go at the person, especially guys, though I have friends that tell me I shouldn't say anything, that other girls would text him so I should be different. That texting him shows that I care, but I feel like I left it showing him I do anyway. But if I text him I won't be being pleasant, I will be a complete bitch about it and insult him about his performance and what a disappointment it was. The only worry with that is is that he may do something that will hurt me even more, but I don't know how else to make myself feel better. I was worrying about bumping into him again but I will just do what I normally do and ignore him, he then normally tries to get my attention. I wouldn't mind it if he tried it on again so I could tell him where to go. If he has been jealous before will he again? I'm stuck with what to do. I've been told that ignoring him is the best thing to do but should I get it out of my system and say something to him before I ignore him. Will he respect me more for having a go at him or will he just think I care and I'm unstable? It has really got to me. I wouldn't have cared as much if the night had been a mutual thing but he has made it so it wasn't, like he likes it that way, an unlevel playing field. I now want to make it a level playing field. Also is it possible that he does not care if his performance wasn’t good? Was that the idea? Why would a guy want to have a reputation of being bad in bed? I know that you will think that I was stupid getting involved and that it is my own fault, but I already feel really bad about this and blame myself so please be gentle with me.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 March 2010):
A man cheated on is wife. His wife found out, walked into the bar where we were and hit him, and screamed at him, insulted his performance and all that. Then was arrested, locked in a cell. Everyone afterwards didn't say 'God that woman was right to do what she did.'. Instead, all you heard was 'No wonder he cheated, she's nuts'.
The point is, if you have a go, if you insult him, you are the one who will look bad. You could hit this man in the face for what he did, and you will look bad. He will come off looking like God. It won't affect him. A few words won't affect him. A reputation as rubbish in bed won't affect him. He'll just say you are on a vendetta. And everyone will believe him, because he comes across as great, while you've been there texting. You know, as will many others, that this guy isn't worth your time. So be a lady. Accept that what has happened has happened, rise above it, accept it was a mistake, forgive yourself and move on. Just don't start having a go at him, or it will be you who gets hurt and you who is made to look the fool. You can't change a player, you can't hurt him. He is who he is. Rise above it.
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