A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for three years and most of our relationship has been long distance due to the fact that he is in the army. I love him with all my heart and he is my first boyfriend. We had only been dating for six months when he went to basic training so ever since then we only get to see each other for about a week or so. About a year ago he was deployed to afghanistan and he called me every day or at least twice a week. He came back safe a few months ago. He never really calls me or texts me at all. We can go days without talking an when I call he never answers and he will just randomly stop our conversations when we text. He always has an excuse why he doesn't call or text like his phone is dead or he is so busy or is just so tired. I don't know what to do. Should I sit here and wait for his call? Or should I just break up with him?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 December 2011):
 “When we talk he always starts the conversation and wants to know about my day. The problem is I'm always the one that has to call or text him.”
OP this is confusing me. Either YOU initiate the contact or he does. IF you are the one who calls or texts FIRST then you are the one starting the conversation. What happens when you don’t contact him at all… does he come looking for you via phone text or email or does he just wait for you to contact him?
IF he is not initiating the contact then that’s part of the issue. If he CAN’T contact you due to work but he contacts you consistently when he is able then I’m not sure what you expect from him…. If that’s the case then he’s doing the best he can.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen we talk he always starts the conversation and wants to know about my day. The problem is I'm always the one that has to call or text him. I feel like I'm being too clingy or needy. The last time that we haven't talk for days was last week and he said that he had to go out to the field and trianed and I know most of the time he can't talk because he is working and he always tells me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. But I'm always confused because he doesn't really like to talk or use his phone at all. When he is on leave he always makes sure that I'm the first and last person he sees.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 November 2011):
sounds to me like it's time to move on.
just get busy with your life and go out with friends and see what happens...
does he ever initiate the contact with you or are you always the one starting the conversations? if he never starts it sounds to me like it's done already.
sad way to end something so important as a first love but the writing is on the wall.
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A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 Him not keeping comms with you is a sign in itself that something is gone wrong! Sometimes you have to take the hints that people give (even though its not easy). I would say there is no point waiting around for someone who can't find time for you. If he seriously wants to remain in a relationship...perhaps breaking up with him will make him realize that he has been taking you for granted. It may jolt him to making a concrete decision. Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, Claraw1  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 I agree with Ciar to a point, maybe it is time to move on. But if you feel you want to break up wigth him, you need to tell him, if only to show him that your the better person. Actions may speak louder than words, but the action of breaking up with someone by disappearing is simply screaming "cowardly b***h". My brother was just dumped in that manner, she didn't bother telling him it was over, now nobody has any respect for her at all. I say talk to him and if you want to break up tell him that, and show him what a wonderful woman you are, and what he has now lost. Whatever you do don't sit and wait for his call, you will drive yourself crazy. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 I think this relationship has served it's purpose and it may be time to move on. It was great in the beginning when everything was new and you may have been a valuable life line while he was overseas, but now that he's back it seems he has other things to occupy his time. Time to either make yourself scarce or move on entirely. Don't bother announcing what you're doing. Actions speak louder than words.
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