A
male
age
36-40,
*eedAnAnswer
writes:Hello Everyone, this is the first time I register to any site about love/relationships, because I need some advice.First of all, I'm a 22 year old hispanic male that currently in a relationship with a 22 year old hispanic female that has been the exact opposite of me ever since I stopped being someone I am not. Sounds confusing, and in reality it is the worst way to start a relationship. I know.Things have been good and bad as any relationship, we've called it off twice now (both because she was speaking to other guys/kissing while still with me) I forgave her for both times, but sadly it has left me with a notion of no longer trusting her, though I feel she learned her lesson.Now, I have recently started speaking with an old friend of mine which I have not seen in about 10 years. She had the biggest crush on me, but at that time I didn't care for anything other than video games and football. Long story short, she would do many things to show me she had feelings for me, but I would push her back because I was simply not interested in girls at that time.We'll call the girl I recently started speaking with, Esmeralda.Esmeralda is currently in a 5 year long relationship with another man, though we initially spoke as distant friends, we quickly became closer and closer. Due to the honesty of the words that were spoken about previous relationships and current, and both problems, solutions, and lessons learned. I strongly feel that I have found the one for me.Well after conversing over this with her (many many times) she had given me the green light of a "fair chance" at her heart. I believe since we covered details about not trying to breakup each other's relationships, yet still speak and get together as we were dating.After stressing intentions weeks later, she told me she could not leave her man since she feels there is no turning back on him, she feels very strongly for him. Yet she acknowledges that there is a very special affinity between me and her. We have not seen each other, but have spoken for about 2 months, and she makes every attempt to speak with me when she can, so as you can imagine, communication is critical into building a solid foundation for a relationship, with trust.Anyway, there is this very painful feeling I feel in my chest when I see her and her partner, and the possibility of marriage and losing the opportunity of being with her. Every time I think about it, this pain fills the center of my chest. It is not too painful, but it does prompt sadness and overall frustration and hurt.Now I want to know, is this the situation where I am supposed to settle for what I have, or should I attempt for a better future with the girl I WANT to be with. She (Esmeralda) has obviously showed interest in me and only tells me a few of the things (not all) I need to keep trying at this.Key points : neither of us are married, yet. Nor engaged. esmeralda and I have not seen each other in years, yet we will be in 2 weeks, and a 2 day getaway is in our agenda.We have not had sex, but are planning.If she gives me a very good reason, I would leave my current relationship. By good reason I mean intentions/proper future/trust with her life.Please, some advice would be greatly appreciated.NeedAnAnswer
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (18 December 2008):
 Well think about how much your current girlfriend has hurt you by cheating on you with other men....dont go down to her level and do the same thing. If you really have such strong feelings for this other woman then it shows that your current relationship is not working. Do the decent thing and leave with your dignity still in tact and honour the time you have had with your girlfriend by ending it properly.
If you sleep with this other woman then in the end you will have trust issues with her too, she will go behind her man's back to sleep with you so what if you got together and she did the same thing to do? I really cant advise you enough not to sleep with her and wait until you are both out of your relationships.
Never settle for what you have if you feel there is more out there, you owe it to yourself to be happy and live your life without regrets. Dont stay if your not happy. The most important things in a relationship are trust, communication and passion. If they are not in your current relationship then dont carry on any longer as you will just end up hurting the girl you are with.
As for the other woman, if she says she wont leave her current boyfriend then maybe you might have to accept that you will never be together. If she really loved you then she would leave him to be with you, love should conqueor all! Keep speaking to her and see how she feels, if she really is the one then dont give up without a fight but you should know when the battle is lost!
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008): You should be able to be yourself with your gf, Ask yourself: Am I secure enough about myself? Are my jealouse feelings coming from my own unsecure feelings or really from wrong behaviour from my gf.
You had already difficult times together, what is normal according to you. Forget that this is normal, if you are looking for the perfect spouse, think back why you had problems together and be honest to yourself.
Important for a longlasting relation: same expectations of life, a bit of the same background and interests, financially no problems (men can handle more easy but women can't in general), knowing how to fight together without damaging and last but not least,Love of the man is not going through the stomach, but is related to the number of orgasms (together)...And don't forget to treath your spouse as the most important person in the world and show your gentle, sensitive and macho side, especially to your Hispanic spouse. You are 22, you are discovering your personality.
And having sex with the other woman... I think that you first should finish your existing relation, keep your dignity, to my opinion it would be a false start...
Good luck, hope my answer helped you.
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