A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am becoming more confident in asking girls out, but I'm not sure about these, so I need some advice:The girl who does my massage has a great personality and is very sexy. I have had feelings for her for a while now, and when I go and see her we always have a giggle and a laugh. She is 24, I'm 33, I know (I think) she doesn't have a boyfriend.The other girl is one I've known for a long time in my local shop.Should I send a Valentine's to them, if so, by putting a card through the doors or through a courier? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 March 2013):
 If you are not sure if she is single the BEST way to find out is to ASK HER...
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's the problem, I don't know whether she is or not!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have got a massive crush on my friend - she is lovely, known her for a year or so, should I risk asking her out?
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (14 February 2013):
iAmHere -And Im telling you the odds that she is really "dating" someone are very much contingent upon the way he presented himself and went about it.If she is really engaged or in a long term relationship and very happy, then fine. But if she's in a so-so deal or not taken at all, how carries himself tells the story of how it will turn out. Again, somehow most the girls who were taken when I was Mr Niceguy all of a sudden because available when I became Mr Arrogant. The difference is so large I have trouble saying it.No offense, but I really don't want to hear a woman's opinion on this. Its just another case of watching what people DO vs listening to what they SAY. Its nothing personal, its just I think most women don't realize it or simply don't want to admit it. On one hand, I think they REALLY want to believe they are attracted to the "nice guy." One the other hand, they usually end up being attracted to the arrogant SOB. Like RJ for a man, I think this is one of the tragedies of our evolution. Thousands of years ago, women evolved to be attracted to the uber-aggressive alpha-male because he would be most likely be able to provide for her and produce strong offspring. Unfortunately, again like RJ for a man, this evolutionary relic if often incompatible with today's society. But since societal changes move much more quickly than evolutionary ones, we are stuck with these conflicts. Hence, not knowing why, many woman are attracted to the "bad boy" types, even in the case when they are "good girls" themselves. Since its getting them girls, this only reinforces the bad boys acting like bad boys. For Gods sake a woman being attracted to guys who "arent good for me" is so common its a cliche. (Conversely, ever notice how you almost never see a guy being attracted to a "bad girl?" Thats because being a "bad girl" didn't make a woman more desirable a few thousand years ago.) Yes, some women wise up as they mature, but some don't. Doesn't matter, the phenomenon exists, I have seen it many times over first hand with my own behavior, and I don't see it going anywhere soon.I know a lot of woman won't agree with this because is a reality that's a bit too painful not to rationalize, but in the end, its the truth.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 February 2013):
At least you know your taste runs to women with morals and ethics... telling you she's seeing someone is hard to hear but it means that she is loyal and trustworthy... says a lot for your taste in women.
BTW if it ends with her current fella, now that she's knows your interested... ya never know what could happen later on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts her loss!
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (14 February 2013):
Yep - answer does not surprise me in the least. Don't tell me - her answer was some variation of "Awwwww. That's so sweet.....but I have a boyfriend." If I had a nickle for every time I heard that early on. When I was Mr Niceguy, seemed like every woman "was with someone already." After I became Mr Arrogant, for some reason almost none of them were taken anymore. Funny how that works. If she would have said that to me - I would have answered - "Thats ok, I'm not interested in him...." Single dating is all about options - you need to make sure you are the most attractive option, or at least the option she is most attracted to.Welcome to the "Friend Zone," brought to you by Mr Niceguy. Cant say I didnt warn you.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI tried; she's going out with someone already
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's a risk I think I have to take! (I think!)
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 February 2013):
well then maybe a card for the one girl and flowers and a card for the massage girl...
I only worry that the massage girl is nice to you as you are a client and that her personal feelings are not really there....
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou, I am sure about my feelings now - I've thought about this this morning, and I am developing feelings for the massage girl.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't want to come on too strong, but then again I don't want to stay in the 'friend zone'. Next answer will determine card or flowers
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 February 2013):
a very small (like 2 or 3 pieces no more) box of chocolates might be ok... but NOTHING over the top...
I think it's nice to give cards to folks you see on a regular basis.... but yeah flowers should be saved for women you are involved with....
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (12 February 2013):
Dear OP,I may sound old fashioned but I honestly don't like that you want to send a valentines card (or better, card and flowers) to two girls. You completely miss the meaning of such a gesture.To send a woman something like that means she is SPECIAL and that you know you want her! It should be a risk for you, a hope, not like a mass email. It's like.. like.. I don't know. It's just fake. Maybe like copy pasting a love poem and then sending it to different girls and dedicating it to them. Or, sending the same mix tape several times. My advice is: Neither of these women should be sent anything. Sending cards as a way to start dating is possibly not going to work, anyway. You are not sure about your feelings either, so it's too early. See what happens with the massage girl. Ask her out for a drink. If not, well then don't be surprised.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (12 February 2013):
punchwolf -Yeah yeah - women don't like arrogant guys - it wouldn't work for me - I've heard those lines a million times from ladies mouths - right before they go home with the biggest a-hole in the bar. Regarding this fact, what woman SAY about this is very different from what they DO, and Im not sure most of them even realize it.I say break the date because it in itself shows confidence to the point of arrogance, and most women despite what they SAY are extremely attracted to that. I know from my single days - when I was Mr Niceguy, I went home alone. When I became Mr Arrogant, I couldnt fight them off with a stick. Re the OP - I think you are making a mistake with the card, as you are going down the path of Mr Niceguy. I hope it works out for your, but if you want to date this girl I think you have already made a mistake.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, flowers sound a bit too over the top! Despite what Serpico says (thankyou for the advice) I think I will send a card - Punchwolf is right, flowers do seem a little ott. I suppose the same thing can be said for sending chocolates?
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (11 February 2013):
Unless you are already dating them, DO NOT send Valentines day cards to them! It will only give you the "nice guy" label, if you dont have it already.
If you want to be known as the "nice guy," then send cards and flowers to women you arent already dating. If you want to get dates, be confident and assertive and go take one of these girls on a date. You do the asking, you pick the time, and you pick the place. If she has another date, tell her to break it. Then AFTER you have dated them for a while you can surprise them with cards and flowers.
Be a man, and women will flock. Be a boy, well....
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (11 February 2013):
There's no reason not to pursue two women, just like you wouldn't only apply for one job at a time. At this point you have no commitment to either so you're just increasing your chances of success by sending something to both.
Now, before you go and send anything more than a friendly card you need to be pretty sure that they are interested in you. Especially the massage therapist; it can be easy to fall for someone who has their hands all over you and is friendly with you but that's her job. Trust me I've felt the same thing from multiple massage therapists, so I think it's pretty common.
If you send flowers you risk things being awkward if they're not interested. I'd save that for someone you're 100% sure about. Just ask them out; flowers won't change their opinion of you. You can give them flowers after they say yes.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (11 February 2013):
 Depends what your end game is?
If you are just doing it to send a bit of cheer then best keep it ananymous.
If you are hoping to date one or other of them then probably best to choose which one to focus on and not stir two unsuspecting girls into hinking you want something from them. Playing women isn't a great way to be a decent person...but then if you're a dog...go right ahead send loads of cards and see who ends up in your bed.
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female
reader, Carry On Dick +, writes (11 February 2013):
 Send it to the girl you have the most feelings for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2013): Card = sweet gesture, minor gratitude.
Red roses = very flattering gesture, more gratitude.
Simple mathematics.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2013): Meh, a card is a waste of time unless it's attached to flowers.
OP like it or not Valentines is about the amount of money you spend (don't let anyone tell you that's not true, even anti-materialistic women are impressed by the expense of a gesture). A card is what you give at school as a pre-teen that you buy with your pocket money. It's a sweet gesture of course but it's really not the same as getting a beautiful bouquet of red roses. Much more exciting and lavish gift that they can show off to their colleagues.
If you can afford to send them flowers that will definitely make more of an impact.
Plus you can mention it at a later date and ask if they liked them as a prelude to asking one (or both) of them out.
OP when it comes to V-Day, you get what you pay for.
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female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (11 February 2013):
Yes send Valentines cards to the 2 girls why not. Valentines Day is a very romantic day enjoy and have fun.Would suggest you post cards.Best Luck Nora B.
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