A
female
age
36-40,
*ostone
writes:Hi, I'm in my junior year of college right now in a three bedroom apartment. The problem is that I have a third roomate, my ex-boyfriend that I'd been seeing almost four years. Previously I had been living with him for the past two years rent-free because he had wanted me to. There was never any talk at the time about payback or returning the favor. So when I was going to sign on to a different apartment for this year we were still together and I wanted him there, and at the time felt that it was the decent thing to do after he let me stay with him.Less than two weeks before we moved in he broke up with me when I had thought everything was fine. He had visited an online friend from a different state and decided he would rather be with her. I still let him stay with me because 1) I was hoping things would turn around and 2) it was really too late for him to find somewhere else. But I really don't think I can do this anymore and I don't want him here. We share a bedroom and he is ALWAYS there, half the time online talking to her. Besides that, he sees nothing wrong with his cheating on me or lying to me about how he felt about our arguments and in his anger he places all the blame for our failings on me. Then when I break down, he'll take back all the mean things he's said. I have tried to be just his friend. I still love him but I can't live with a person who has hurt me so much and sees nothing wrong with his actions. This doesn't seem like a healthy arrangement to me.I don't think I can heal and move on with him here. But he still thinks I owe him after he had me stay with him when we were a couple. Do I, if there was no agreement for payback when he let me stay there? And if I don't, how can I convince him that he needs to go? I don't like feeling cold-hearted, but I think the best thing for me right now is to have him gone. Please, I don't know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2008): he ended it. you don't owe him anything. tisha-1 is right. just get him out of YOUR room. but do everything nicly.good luck keep me posted.xx
A
female
reader, miss know it all  +, writes (8 September 2008):
hunny im so sorry your going through this. This guy is a complete pig hes trwating you like a doormat he sees nothing wrong at all with what hes doing to you but he must be enjoying it if hes still doing it. You dont owe this pig anything he is acting like a selfish little boy read back through your contract and you will find that you owe him nothing. Simply tell him that this arrangement is not working out for you but dont be nice to him tell him straight and that should work because he wont have seen that side of you.good luck hunny hope it works out for you
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 September 2008):
 What, is he planning to live with you for two years until you're somehow 'even'? That's nuts! He chose to end the relationship and wants to be with someone else. Fine, he can do that on his own time and in his own place. The arrangement you had before was mutually agreed upon. This new arrangement is not mutually agreed upon, and therefore it is different. You owe him nothing, I think, other than a month's notice for him to find a new place.
You share a BEDROOM? What the ? Frankly, he sounds like a guy who likes to torture you and that is most definitely NOT healthy for you.
Who signed the lease on the apartment? You should have a read through the contract and the terms to make sure that you have the legal standing here. If his name is not on the lease, this will be much easier.
You could help move things along by looking for other places for him to stay.
I would simply tell him that this arrangement is not good for your mental health and that it's time he moved on and out. Don't apologize for this, don't let him make you feel guilty or that you someone owe him something now. The past arrangement you had with him was one thing and was mutually agreed upon and I assume you contributed what you could to the 'household.'
Again, you need to read the contact to see what your rights and obligations are.
Good luck.
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