A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really need advice on this and Im sorry for the length but to truly understand you kinda need to know everything. It's a very complex situation. I've already established that this isnt perhaps a great situation, but I need help on how to deal with it. Im very confused.1 month ago I started developing feelings for a close male friend who had recently come out of a very serious relationship. We were both going through very hard times (my gran is dying, I'm having mental health problems with post trauamtic stress disorder, I'd broke up with a guy who I'd just found out was actually married) and we found comfort in eachother and became very important to eachother. As the friendship progressed, one thing lead to another and we ended up sharing a kiss one night. Nothing more. We spoke about our feelings and admitted we both fancied eachother and cared for eachother a great deal . However we were also honest and he said he wasn't over his ex, and still had feelnigs for her. He said they still had a lot of issues to work out and although he would probably always love her, he didnt think they could work as a couple anymore because they are just so different. I was also honest about the fact that I have been in a string of really bad relationships lately and that I wasn't mentally in the right place to be having a serious relationship - insecurities, trust issues, need time to find myself tbh. However we did both agree it would be nice to snuggle up with eachother, share eachothers company and to do "coupely things" together. We agreed it wouldnt be exclusive either, we could kiss other people. We also agreed that we wouldnt put a title on this thing between us and what would happen, would happen. For about the last month this has been amazing and a few nights ago we made love for the first time and it was just incredible. Not having sex straight away was important to both of us and I am glad we waited, as I think a lot of my insecurities stem from having sex too early on in a relationship. I dont think I have ever felt so wanted and desired as much as he makes me feel. We have a real bond with eachother and i dare say if this relationship was to continue, I would end up developing very serious feelings for him. There is something there that I haven't felt with any other man. Its like a feeling in the pit of my stomach which makes me so happy but feel so nervous at the same time. However, there have been one or two stumbling blocks. Not between us but from those around us in particular his housemate. We share a mutual friend - one of his best friends is also a close friend of mine who I have sometimes turned to with problems over a cup of coffee. Purely platonic and has never been anything other. They also share a flat. However since this thing started with this guy Im seeing, the mutual friend has accted bizarely. He's tried his hardest to keep us apart, tried to prevent us ever being alone, and has even started sending me flirty messages which my best friend reckons is just just yet another way of him trying to pull me away from this guy I like. At first it started of as a bit of a joke but now its constant - it's as if he really doesn't want us together. Then today I discovered that they are having a house warming party. They have used one of those social networking websites to advertise it and I only found out because my friend told me she had been invited and asked if I was going or not to see if I wanted to get a drink with her beforehand. So I went to have a look at it and they have invited a lot of people. People I know they barely know, so it's not as if this is a cosy house warming get together for just their closest friends, this is a full blown house party for everyone they know. They have even invited people they met in other countries. Anyways, what has worried me is that I'm not invited. I didnt even know until my friend told me. But everyone else is, including all our mutual friends from both the guy Im seeing and the flatmate. The guy I'm seeings ex girlfriend - is also invited. But what gets me a little bit is, I checked who was doing the inviting and it is the flatmate who is seemingly trying to tear us apart. Is it just me being paranoid or is there something here which I am meant to figure out but which I havent quite grasped? It all seems very suspect that this guy keeps trying to keep us apart then invites the guy Im seeings ex girlfriend who he knows he still has feelings for to the party, and then doesnt even invite me. He didnt even tell me!Someone help me, what is going on? What could be going on? How do I handle this?
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female
reader, claireleatherdale +, writes (9 September 2008):
 all i can say is sit down with the lad ur seeing and his flatmate and find out w.t.f is going on because from what i can tell is this flatmate is playing mind games with u and it's working he's sending flirty messeges so at first it was fun but now might seem real and as for the party it may well be a way 2 get back at u 4 either not taking him seriously when he txt or it could be because he doesn't want u with this guy the only way is 2 talk other wise u'll never know what's going on in his head
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