A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello, well I've been talking to this women on line, we get along ,seems real good, but I think there is some red flags poping up, her car broke down she says, talk to her on the phone she seemed drunk, she told me she was raped about two years ago, so if we meet it has to be by her place so she can walk, she says she won't get in a car with me, an she needs my full name, address, so she can give it to her adult kids.She talks to other guys on line to.So what am thinking, gut feeling is drunk driving, her ex has custody of her daughter, her young one.So before you even meet some one if you have a gut feeling, but you feel you could really like the person should you run.So you don't get your heart broken.
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male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (26 May 2014):
 This woman clearly has issues going on which you really shouldn't get involved in. To be honest I don't think this should be so much a gut feeling as a big, obvious red flag to run away from.
Drinking, drinking and driving, possibly having been raped previously, being too cautious to get into a car with you and wanting your full details before hand is just too much to take on. Plus if her ex has full custody of her children then that sounds like it could be because she is incapable of looking after the kids herself maybe? It could be other reasons of course, but unusual for the mother not to be given custody, at least here in the UK.
I appreciate this woman may have been through a dreadful time in the past and had a lot of demons, and if she was raped I can fully understand her cautious, scared approach. However, in the nicest possible sense, you are not a councillor or a psychologist. She needs a professional to help her through her drinking, her past, her problems and so on.
Before she can date someone successfully she needs to seek the help she needs. Only she can make that choice, she needs to WANT to do so and then she needs to actually make the changes and overcome her issues.
This woman is unlikely to give you anything but grief i'm afraid. I also suspect that the bits of info you know are the tip of the iceberg.
I've done internet dating for a long time on and off and I will endeavour to write an Article about it on this site in the coming days. Internet dating can be fun, can be rewarding and can lead to successful outcomes, but there are shortfalls and many, many people on the sites with serious issues and hidden problems.
Also, for reasons im sure are obvious, avoid giving this woman your full name, address or home phone number. You don't want a troubled, possibly drunk person banging on your door, or worse, finding out she isn't as single as you thought and having someone else banging on your door with your head. I speak from personal experience - giving out personal details is an easy mistake to make, but one that can cause issues down the line. There are also a lot of scammers online who give sob stories and so on to gain a persons trust to get money or personal details for others for illicit purposes. You also have to consider, worse case scenario, that her story of being raped is untrue and she may be one of these people who cry rape for whatever reason. With that in mind, offering your details is not a good move.
Mark
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (26 May 2014):
 You are wise to be cautious. Until you meet a person you can't really know them. Online, a person can be whoever they want to be, they can tell you almost anything. You really don't know them at all, you know what they LET you know. Always trust your gut instinct. If you feel something is wrong, or off...it probably is.
You are correct that already several things don't sound great about her. She doesn't have custody of her daughter..is it because she didn't want custody? Or because it wasn't awarded to her. It makes a difference.
I steer clear from drunks after being married to an alcoholic, so yes, that would immediately turn me off but was it a one time thing? Or does she drink alot?
I can understand her concerns about wanting to know about you, wanting to let someone know who and where she is. If she has been raped of course she is conscious so I wouldn't be harsh on her about that but the other 2 things....not so good.
Only you can decide if she might be worth the risk or not. Don't ignore what you feel though, not for a minute. If you feel uncomfortable, there's probably a reason. May be best to just let this relationship end. Who needs the extra trouble and baggage she may have?
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