A
female
age
41-50,
*uttercup76
writes:I'm in love with my boyfiend, but my family doesn't like him, but they haven't really gotten to know him.. they just know of his family, which i admit have some bad people in it, They think i can do better, they like my ex so much better, and don't understand why i'm not with him. My parents don't like my current Bf and never invite him around, but they would invite my ex in a heartbeat. I just feel like if i stay with him that i'm going to lose my family..I don't think I should have to choose between them. I don't know why they don't approve of him. When he makes me happy, i laugh all the time, i'm always smiling. he tries to give me everything even though he doesn't have the money to do it.I want a future with him, but they say we will never make it and they know whats best for me.should i risk losing my family and friends for a guy?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013): OP you won't lose your family over this but you can't force someone they don't like on them either.
If he really is a keeper then they'll warm to him in time.
OP you're making a bigger deal of this than necessary, I hate to say it but you kind of sound like a teenager, this is not even nearly as dramatic as make it sound. Surely in your life you've had friends or dated guys your family didn't like before, we all don't have to think everyone you like is "super amazing" you know.
Doesn't mean they're going to abandon you, but it does mean you have to slowly introduce him as part of your life and not try to force the issue.
I have to echo the others too OP, just because you love someone and have a good time with them doesn't actually mean they're good for you in the long run. So even you have to prove to yourself that is the case and only when you reach that point can you truly expect your family to accept this.
Relax, if this is a long term thing then they'll warm to him, this is not as bad as you think at all. My family didn't like my ex at all and didn't want her around, and guess what, it turned out they were right. Don't be so quick to dismiss their opinions. They only want to look out for you. You'd be foolish to ignore their perspective.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013): One way to find out if your boyfriend any good is to tell him you need to take a break for a few weeks to get your head around the conflict with your family. If he accepts it and understands, he's an ok guy. If he starts getting possessive, jealous, and controlling of you, or he involves the "bad people" in his family to harm, threaten harm, harass, blackmail or just generally make your life unpleasant, then you know your parents are right and not to go back with him.
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (5 January 2013):
 "I don't know why they don't approve of him."Are you sure about that? I have yet to meet disapproving mothers, fathers, siblings, cousins, or friends that just don't like your partner for no good reason. The first reason is that they don't like his family. That's a reason. And I am wiling to bet there are more reasons. You may either not have listed them, or you don't want to face them. In either case, if you're ever confused or want more clarification, then ASK your family why they don't like him. I am willing to bet they'll give you a list. Whether or not you like to accept the list is a different problem.In either case, your family does wish the best for you. They want the optimal outcome in your future. They want you to be happy down the line, not just in the present moment. You may not be able to objectively see your partner's faults or within your relationship, but time and truth do have a funny way on sneaking up on you.
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A
male
reader, tby1  +, writes (5 January 2013):
 My ex chose her family after 7/8 years we had, the most important person in your life should be the one you choose to be with, live with, have kids with, spend your life with. Don't bottle it because of others like my ex. Make yourself happy
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013): It's simple: boyfriends come and go. Family sticks around forever. I'm not telling you what to do, but consider this:
How long have you been dating your boyfriend?
Even if you don't agree with them, does your family genuinely care about you and is only looking out for what's best for you?
It might be difficult to answer, but between your family and your boyfriend, which is harder to imagine living the rest of your life without?
Hopefully, it'll never have to come down to choosing one or the other - after all, family should support one another. However, if it does happen, remember the ones who have supported you throughout your life and cheered you on through your hardships. They might know you better than you know yourself.
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