A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, my female friend and I share the same interests, beliefs, opinions and understand each other without saying. I consider her as my very soulmate. Lately, I felt something that goes beyond friendship. I desire to be with her, start something new with her, love her.Although I haven't found my sexual orientation yet, I have always liked independent women like her.But she cannot imagine loving someone with the same sex, which dissapointed me.We did not discuss that matter directly and she seemed a little uncomfortable, but I know both of us would profit from a little tenderness. She has never been in a relationship before and I want to show her, experience great things with her - emotionally or even sexually. We are young and open minded but I could'nt bear to loose our friendship because of my curiousness, foolishness. I could try to talk about it, but I wouldn't want to creep her out. I know she doesn't feel and think the way I am now - can I convince her ? Should I take the risk and hope for something good ? Or should I keep my feelings away and look for someone else ? Please Help ! Thanks
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female
reader, Sally_A  +, writes (10 January 2011):
give it a try, if she doesn't know that u're a lesbian, she might be saying that she's straight cz she doesn't wanna tell you about her sexual orientation,
but always think that she might really be straight, and if you tell her that you like her more than a friend and she says she prefer to keep it at the friendship stage, than respect her wish and inderstand that she is straight...
you won't know her sexuality untill you ask her about it privatly, and even than... you should sound very serious about it... cz some people might think that u're shitting them to make them confess that they are gay
talk to her about it, and listen to what she has to say... and based on it, you can leave, be her partner or be her friend (if she wants to)
wish you the best of luck, tc
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): Hi !
thank you for your replies and your consideration. Maybe I should add some extra information.
We got to know each other one year ago and we meet occasionally since we do not live in the same neighbourhood and we are busy mostly.
When we go out we talk alot and she is not uncomfortable with me at all, on the contrary she enjoys my company alot.
I gave a little hint when we were out with a friend of ours, so she might found it awkward when others were around.
I haven't had the guts to talk in private about it.
The title was picked a little unfortunate by the webmasters, because I do not want a relationship based on sexual interactions only. I seldomly get involved with anyone, because I choose my partners very carefully.
She acts the same way.Of course, I seem to rush a litte and she might just consider me as a friend- but I feel, I know we can make it work, even if it's just platonic love. She just doesn't know yet.
I have experienced such a crush like this before, I know how to handle it and yes I'm curious - but I don't know if I should stay still this time, or give it a try.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 December 2010):
Hi there. Perhaps it's just close friendship and you might want to be like her.
You might be confusing envy with love and sexual feelings.
If she's not interested in you in the same way, you can't force her. She either feels that way or she doesn't. She might be more interested in boys in the sexual sense.
You can still stay friends, and be just as close, but as far as seeing if you are gay or not, you might have to look elsewhere to find that out.
In any case, you are not going to know for sure, until you start meeting boys and seeing if you are attracted to any of them or not.
In a couple of years from now, these feelings you have towards your best friend, might fade away altogether.
It's also possible you have some deeper feelings for your best friend, because you spend a lot of time in each other's company. It might be a bit of an obsession that you have. If it worries you, maybe you could spend less time together, and have other friends as well. Otherwise, you might suffocate her.
At the stage of your life you are now in, you are still learning about yourself and what you like and dislike. You don't really know yourself properly yet. You might not know yourself fully, until another 5 - 10 years. Life is one long learning curve.
You just have to go with what feels right instinctively, and see how things pan out over time.
Be true to yourself, and what truly makes you happy.
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A
female
reader, jasmin27  +, writes (18 December 2010):
hmm, ive been in your position that i dont know which sex i liked,and have had crushs on my friend but i kept it to myself because if i came out and got freaked out and never talked to me again i would be more hurt then getting rejection, but if you wanna know if she has thoughts about haveing something other then a friendship with you, try to talk about with her has yourself in a third person like 'oh what would happen if...' or 'what do you think if' or refere to it has what do you think and tell a fake story about your situation but as other people and see her response to it all, and then you'll probaly know if you should ask her or not .
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