A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Time ago I had a friend. We knew each other for a long time, almost 10 years. All this time I was in the closet but then I met this guy and everything got serious between us and that was when I decided I wanted to finally come out.My friend was the first person I came out to and honestly I was sure that he will be the one who'll support me the most. However, he proved himself to be a complete homophobe instead. He disowned me completely, he spat in my face and he said to me worst things you can imagine and basically our friendship ended that very day.Now almost 5 years are past. We haven't seen each other or talked to each other since that day. Yesterday I received a Facebook message from him, it came as a big surprise for me. He writes that he's sorry, that he was wrong, that he regrets everything he did to me, that he only reacted that way because he was taught that gay are bad and dangerous but now he realizes it's not like that. Basically he wants to see me and to see if we can repair our friendship.I don't know what should I do now. I don't know what took him so long to come around. I don't usually hold grudge but the way he treated me was something I'll never forget. I trusted him completely and the things he said to me was like a knife in my back. I'm not sure we could ever be friends again. What should I answer him and should I answer at all? I don't know.
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male
reader, Pepi let pew  +, writes (19 May 2019):
 If i was you. I could easily forgive him. Even the spit in the face is no big deal. The fact that he regrets his actions is enough for me. People make mistakes.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2019): You can’t blame your friend. He got freaked out and acted in a bad way. You have to understand it’s not normal to hear your best friend being gay although he was concieved from a mother and father.
How he spat on you is very wrong. But his thinking at the time was different. It takes many years to adjust to people’s new homosexual ways, if you have been bought up differently you have to adjust.
You cannot expect your friend who was born by his mother to accept gay ways. It’s unfair.
Consider yourself lucky he tried. He is giving up normal ways of living to accept your weird ways. There is no problem with homosexuals, but there is a problem when kids are involved.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (27 April 2019):
 While we may not always remember what people said or did, how they made us feel tends to stay with us forever. I doubt you will EVER forget how he made you feel when he said what he said and when he spat in your face. Regardless of what he believed, that was unforgivable (in my opinion).
In your shoes I would accept his apology and thank him for it (because you are the bigger person) but say you feel, given what he said and did, it would be best that you two do not have contact going forward. There are some things which cannot be undone. Trust your gut instinct on this one.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (24 April 2019):
 words I think I could probably get by but the spit in the face is a whole other level of degradation. That for me would forever be seen as some sort of grudge between him. People make mistakes, yes but Im not sure if this is one worth making an effort to try and mend. You have done fine without him for 5 years so personally I wouldn't bother.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2019): I think the way he treat you is disgusting. He spat in your face?! I think you need to be selfish here, do what you think would be best for you. I dont really think it counts as holding a grudge in this instance, it's not like he made a simple mistake, he treat you like scum on the ground. You could always accept the apology and forgive him, but say that you dont think you two can be friends again, that way he can move on and learn from his mistakes, however as much as I think it's fine to forgive him, I dont think you should ever be friends with him again, he took it too far and you should never allow yourself to be treat in that way. Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (23 April 2019):
 Well do you want to be friends or not?
If you can ever get over what he did to you then maybe there’s a chance the friendship can be salvaged but if it’s going to constantly be on your mind then what’s the point?
You could accept the apology but say you don’t wish to continue the friendship. It’s up to you.
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