A
female
age
41-50,
*azzie1
writes:I'm so confused cuz I love a man who has been abusive with me and the last incident was yesterday when he tried grabbing me by my hair for trying to get out of his car. I broke this relationship off cuz I'm so tired of his bullshit and excuses on why he does what he does. He left me a message apologizing that he didn't mean to grab me by my hair it's just that he didn't have anythin to grab on..whateva..but that he truly loves me to death and that I should love him and not give up cuz he's tryin to change..I'm not that young and I feel like I'm wasting my time and I feel that even though I luv him that my 2 boys should come first..but it's so hard cuz I've been with him for 4years and he's been calling all day I just haven't answered any of his calls..I feel that I'm not going to meet a single guy cuz the majority of men my age or older are usually married or involved..I'm stuck please help should I really move on everyone tells me I'm in denial that I'm in a domestic violent relationship..my ex tells me it's not like he's punched me but he has done worse witch was choke me twice and slapped me..whats wrong with me is this normal.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): you sound like a very sweet person, and I am positive you will find someone else, who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. you need to have strength right now. Try to be around others as much as possible; your sons, coworkers, friends, family... and do not answer his calls or go back to him. Maybe write him a letter telling him you need to move on, that you love him and you wish him all the best. And that he should want the best for you too, even ifthat means letting you go. Something to check out, a site like eharmony or match.com, singles.com... there are billions of people out there, and maybe even some handsome, lonely, kind, gentleman who would love to meet you and be with you. I know a woman who was older and worried about the same thing... she went on eharmony and created a profile... she made a very long list of what she was looking for, an extensive list of preferences, and she ended up with 6 matches. The second match she went on a date with, was the one she had been looking for all along...and she had made sure he had everyhting she wanted... so it worked out perfectly!!!I am positive there are many men, waiting for you--- and you should go out and enjoy yourself and do the most with your life, be as happy as you can... because life on earth is short and precious.
A
female
reader, citris +, writes (27 June 2009):
 Let me ask you this, if he ever did those things to your children what would you do? Would you allow it? Would you have him arrested? Would you allow him to continue to be a daily part of your life? I know it's hard because I've been abused myself. It took me ten years to get past it and become the strong person I am today. It's never easy but as long as you allow it to continue it will. There are ways you can take a stand and not just by ignoring his phone calls. What he has done to you isn't just kinda bad and hard to deal with, but it's ILLEGAL. If authorities were involved I promise you this guy would be behind bars as I write this. I know when we care about someone we don't want to do something like that to them, so I'm not suggesting that you have him arrested. What I am suggesting is for you to take a step back and think about what you would advise a loved one to do if they were in your shoes. Then I suggest you take your own advice.It's really easy to stay because we're afraid, or scared. It's really easy to allow ourselves to be victimized by people we love and who we believe love us. Real love from a real man doesn't leave you with bruises.Now He said he's trying to change, and some men - with therapy and counseling are able to move past their abusive behavior. I don't know what the chances of that happening are, and I don't want to give you false hope but for me it is worth stating. It saved my parents relationship and allowed me to a decade later have a fulfilling, forgiving, loving relationship with my father. Mostly, please know that you are not alone. Domestic abuse is not uncommon, even in todays world. It's hard to swallow, but no one wants to be known as the beaten victim, so we just hide it. It takes real true courage and strength to stand up for yourself and take charge of your own well-being. Most women will never do it alone, so find someone who supports your decisions and can be a shoulder for you to lean on. Please don't let yourself be a statistic. Be strong. I wish you the best and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): Your relationship is not healthy for you or for your children. No person has the right to physically abuse another. I work in field where I see a lot domestic violence, and it typically progresses in its severity. What begins with a slap or some hair-pulling, can turn into severe injury or death. You should be strong, and realize that you will be much better off without this man in your life. All the apologies in the world cannot cure physical abuse. Good luck to you and be strong.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (27 June 2009):
 Move on. If a man has it in him to slap a woman and grab her by the hair he is broken and he isn't going to get better.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (27 June 2009):
 Choking and slapping is just as bad as punching IMHO...it's all violence and something you should never do to someone you love. You are doing the right thing by staying away although it is very hard; much respect to you for doing this.
There are definitely single guys out there in your age group. They might be hard to find but they're out there.
I'm sorry I don't have much advice except to stay strong and I wish you the best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): YES!!!! you should move on! It is NOT normal for a man to put his hands on you in any way. You have yourself and your 2 boys. There is someone out there who is perfect for you but you have to make the space for him not put up with a abusive relationship out of fear of loneliness. If you work on valuing yourself with or with out a man the right guy will come along. I know it sounds like an new age kind of answer but "what you think you get" and if you think this is the best you can get then thats all that life will offer you.Hope that helpsgood luck
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