A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I hope this question is going to make sense, my heads a mess and I'm struggling to make sense of it all to put to you. But basically what it is, is that me and my partner discussed having a baby about 3-4 months ago, now we are in a very stable, loving, long term relationship and we can both provide and support a baby, the thing is, is that I've been completely messing my partner around lately constantly changing my mind, I really want a baby, so I agree to it, then panic and think I won't be able to cope, that ill be a bad mother, he might leave me, and to be honest I am just absolutely terrified, I'm 24 years old and have experience enough and achieved enough to be at a place in my life where I won't have regrets about having a baby before getting all the things I want to do in. I'm just so terrified about it all, and I've changed my mind about 4 times now, I explained to him I'm scared and he said he's scared too but I think because I keep changing my mind he's getting annoyed with me and I feel I can no longer talk to him, I don't know what to do, is it normal to feel this way?
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female
reader, 3xpire  +, writes (4 April 2013):
Out of experience, this can be normal. I'm seven months pregnant with my fiance, and even though it was unplanned, when I found out, these fears were rushing through my head enough to almost scare me into abortion. Not many people are actually READY, and some of the fears will hit you pretty hard. Married or not, I've seen women go through the issue of their man leaving them. So marriage isn't always the answer. But if you two love one another, and he wants a baby, I doubt he's just going to leave you. Having a baby is hard, but no one said it was easy. Not unless you're a millionaire. Even then. Having a baby is going to make some things harder, yes, but eventually they DO get better. You're not going to be grounded down for life. If you fear being a horrible mother, just think...That's something YOU control for YOURSELF. Your instincts will kick in, and you'll love your baby. I doubt you'd be a horrible mother. I could see it being a little scarier when you're PLANNING to get pregnant. But if you both maybe see it as something you two want, try not pressuring it. Just let it happen on its own. Even if its planned, its going to be scary throughout, and its a bumpy ride sometimes, but its worth it. I went back and fourth several times about abortion or not wanting this baby, until I heard the heartbeat.Don't pressure yourself. Just go with the flow.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 April 2013):
 Female anon, I think that Sageoldguy is in the 21st century and has eyes to see that it is a wonderful century to be in, with lots of wonderful new things, and other - relatively new or newish- that instead totally suck, from a social , psychological and practical ( not necessarily moral ) point of view.
One is the lots of baby daddies and baby mamas and baby dramas . And single moms left to hold the sack by deabeat dads , and frazzled confused angry sons-of-a -whim children with too many transient parental figures , and never a real , 100% dependable one.
NOT that this has to be the case of the OP, who is 24 ,sounds like she is self aware and has reflected about the issue, and has a stable, loving, long term, FINANCIALLY adequate relationship, so supposedly adding to it a baby would not be such a big deal . BUT, it would be even better and safer for the baby if it were added once the OP and her partner are so certain about their permanent committment , that they feel comfortable in making it official and legally binding , i.e. in putting their money where their mouth is.
Common sense never goes out of fashion and never becomes outdated.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): Sageoldguy, want to get into the 21st century?
OP you're not ready to be a parent yet, which is why you keep changing your mind. You'll know when it's a better time, maybe wait 6 months and think about it again? Use that 6 months to do lots of things you wouldn't be able to do without a baby
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 April 2013):
 I suggest that you and "current squeeze" decide if you and he want to be MARRIED.... and, if "yes," do THAT first... THEN consider if you (and he) want to spawn any children...
Good luck...
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