A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know what all your replies will be with this question, 'oooh finish it now, or he'll lose his job' or 'you'll both get hurt and left with nothing' but listen to my story anyway.Basically, i'm 16. I go to a private school in the north of the country, and my teachers think i have concentration problems and i'm not the best behaved. During my GCSE years, I was wayy behind in my work, and my maths teacher offered to help me photocopy all the work I needed and organise it. Let's call him Mr Smith. :) Mr Smith had been teaching me for 3 years before that, and I guess we had.. a history =/ I suppose I did used to play up to him a bit, and he admitted to picking on me. We spent lunch time after lunch time taking the mick out of eachother during my detentions and started to flirt a bit i guess. Then one day, he kept me for after school detention, and we were being our usual jokey selves and all of a sudden we were kissing. It lasted about a minute until we let go and were staring at eachother. He just looked embarrased, smiled awkwardly and said 'i have to go'. he then left a note in my locker saying i need to talk to you. so we did and we kissed again, we had a chat about whether we were going to try a relationship and came to an agreement that we did. I've been seeing him everyweekend and most days after school for the last 4 months yet and we haven't had sex. We go on walks, go to restaurants etc He just told me that he's not going to pressurise me and he'll wait until i'm ready and we havent spoken about it since. I feel i'm ready, but should i go ahead with it? He's literally 30 years older than me, but he's s lovely and hasnt asked for sex once?heeelp?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): To me it sounds as if this relationship is working very smoothly, which is good if you both are in love with each other! I think if you are sure you are ready and comfortable and the time is right, the sex will happen! Good Luck xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): Hey!
I think you should go for it! Its your decision noone elses. I know how you feel i have a crush on one of my ex teachers and i would love for that to happen to me!
If you are in love and you know that he is not going to hurt you or force you to do anything, then go for it! Just be carefull that no one catches you or he could be in for his job! Just make sure everything you do is kept secret and out of school! :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): Well, go for it then, that's the answer you are looking for. You don't want to hear anything telling you to behave accordingly, so go for it. enjoy and reap what you sow.
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female
reader, reign154  +, writes (31 December 2008):
Hi. I can totally understand what you are going through. I have been in a similar relationship with a teach. Lets call him X. He was my friends history teacher and evryday i would go to him for tutoring, At first we were goofy and just friends, but then the more we were around eachother the more intense it became between us. we went out to dinner and he always took me out with his close friends, i felt special and loved that he seen me more than a child. We never had sex, but rather had fun together, We shared everything. In the end i had to leave him becasue i knew that if anyone found out it would just hurt him. I go to a different school now, but i have times when i wonder how he is doing. Look im not saying that you should stop becasue your a student. But just thank about where it will be in the future. I mean you say he's married and i wouldnt want you to be known as the girl who recked his home life and work life. Just be happy and have fun. But be careful becasue everything you do not only affects you but affects him in more ways than he may let you know. Ok thats it Happy New Years. Email me if you want to talk about this. xoxoxoxo Reign
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2008): I am about your age and can see where you're coming from.You are heading for some serious embarassment if you continue this. It really saddens me to hear you say "I'll just see how it goes" (complete with a smiley!) when you are obviously too immature to understand that your teacher will surely get into some kind of trouble, and you will likely end up the laughing stock of the entire school. Things like this follow you for the rest of your life. Are you prepared to deal with all the trouble and humiliation that could haunt you for a long time? Even if you move to a different state or change your name, someone out there will probably know about you and what you did, all because you're infatuated with your teacher. Don't be like so many other girls your age -- be mature and cut things off with this man before it messes up your life, not to mention his!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2008): Addendum:
Uncle Phil said it all here! It is right ridiculous what you're doing with your teacher dear. I suggest you cut it off before something really bad happens. Maybe you COULD give us your information like, say, where your school is and the name of it and your teacher's name and all that. Nothing bad would happen at all: if you just gave us that information a lot would be solved.
But of course you're not going to do that, because you think you're in love with your father-figure teacher. It's really loads more dangerous than you think. Maybe when you are a tad older and this whole ordeal is hopefully all over you will look back on this and realise the error of what you did?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2008): You are a fool if you think it's a good idea to continue pursuing the "relationship" you have with your teacher. Especially in America, it's happening a lot to girls your age as well as young lads with female teachers. You probably think you're so smart, but based on what you're saying and what's going on here, you're quite daft. If you don't end this relationship soon you could end up raped, or dead, and your teacher will inevitably be fired, because if nothing happens to you he will do it to another student, and someone's sure to find out...Take my advice, girl. Tell your parents, end it, and make sure the school knows too. It may be embarassing, but it's what a truly smart and responsible girl your age would do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): I think what someone else said was right on the money. If he loves you he should be upfront about it.
That means that he must be willing to wear his heart on his sleeve and walk away from teaching if that's what it comes down to.
You are 16, that is legal in the UK right? So no jail time? Nevertheless, he shouldn't be involved with a student, and he probably is exploiting the power relationship between you.
If you truly love each other, you have two options. You wait until you are out of school to pursue the relationship (probably the best choice), or he sits down with your parents to explain himself (and likely lose his teaching job). I would choose to wait, and my guess is that you will have changed your mind by then, but if not, I would not condemn your relationship at that point.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 December 2008):
 I think this is all hogwash. You may have concentration problems but you can sure write fiction well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): Dear,
In the spirit of the season,I am not here to judge you.
As Tisha rightly said if you were in your 20's at least the level of maturity is different.
I am more mature at 29 than I was at 16.At 16 we think we are smart and mature.The reality is we are not.sigh.
That guy seems to know what he's doing.He got you didn't he?A newbie wouldn't know how to proceed on with a 16 year old girl.That worries me more.
If you enquire around in older batches,you might get to hear a lot of stories.I am speculating here.
He sounds very experienced in this matter.
As Tisha said,If he is honorable he would definitely speak to your parents.
If I were you,I would speak to his wife.Trust me, she will open your eyes to a lot of facts.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): yes i suppose. i've coped the last 4 months without it so i'm sure i can see a few more as to what he's like.
i know you don't approve but i'll just see how it goes :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): Exactly!
If you don't want him sacked or put in jail - knock it off!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): When someone leaves their current partner for you,it shows how unfaithful they are in a relationship.
In my opinion if someone leaves their wife for me,they can definitely leave me for someone else.
Tell him you do not want to have sex with him.Let's see how he copes with it.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 December 2008):
 16, 46
26, 56
36, 66
46, 76
Look, I don't have anything against age-gap relationships. I just hate when they start in school, where there is an imbalanced relationship to begin with, as one of the pair is in a position of power and authority, and the other has had little to no life experience. If this had started with you both a decade older, I wouldn't worry about it, but this is seriously tawdry and potentially dangerous to your future well-being.
The good news is that he'll be able to take Viagra once you are hitting your sexual prime there around the mid-30s. And the other good news is that when your children are old enough to get married, your parents might still be around, because he might not be, reaching that life-expentancy threshold somewhere around 75?
I guess the only thing you'll have to worry about is letting him go to work when you're a bit older, as it seems he likes younger women. I expect he's had a bit of practice all these years, getting to know other students.
What is it you want us to say? Go for it? Well, I might consider it, if I knew that your parents had met him and knew you two were considering dating. Get back to us when he's had the courage to be upfront with his family and your family about this, and we'll give you some better advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): Good grief! He was married?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): me again writing.
yes i suppose so, but i can't exactly say 'oh i dont want you anymore' when he's just moved out of the house he shares with his ( now ex)wife especially as i like the time i spend with him
or i could carry on not having sex and then see how long he could cope
i really like him.
and uncle_phil, i dont want him sacked or to go to jail
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): Dude, i think that if you really like him you should keep going on to talking and meeting him. But also it could get really dangerous so you should actually listen to your heart girl.!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): I don't suppose you could let me know the name of your school, your name and the name of the teacher involved in all this?
If you would be so kind as to do that, I'm sure I can find a solution to your question, and quite quickly too!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): Have you ever seen a cat hunt?
Once it catches the prey(a bird or a rat) it doesn't eat it at once.It plays with it for a long time.
I was confused and asked my mom,"Why doesn't it eat it?".My mom said,"Its just having fun.It knows the prey won't go anywhere.It has all the time in the world to eat it"
Sounds similar?He is the cat and you are the prey.He knows you are going to eventually give in.That's why he is not pressurizing you.
I hope you wake up soon and try to escape.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): hi, this is me again who wrote the help. well it is legal now for us. i know he's 30 years older than me and i know that that is really very strange, but we really have a connection. he's even left his wife! my friends know and at first they were all a bit worried, but they've seen us together and stuff. he;s so romantic :)
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