A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so i am unemployed and live with my gf of 2 years almost and been thinking. And i have come up with the conclusion that i am in love with my ex she is who i dated when i was 17-18 and i now 20 and she i still heart broke over me and i have not seen her in person in 2 yrs we texts once in a while always me starting it. and yes behind my gf back, and yes i feel bad but due to my unemployment i have to keep her around to pay her half the bills ( i know prick right) i do love her just not in love.so story goes me n my ex were together i guess 18mnth and i drifted apart not her between my alcohol abuse and her going away to college only 45minaway i started partying kissed a few girls while we were together. no sex me and her were virgins lol not anymore. but ya so i just started being mean trying to drive her off cause i was not worthy of her and it worked i dumped her she was heart broken still is ended up sleepin with a married man and now says she happy with herself. i cant pursue her and keep my current gf and i cant leave my current gf cuz money reasons. and in all honesty i not sure if i could get my ex back i can honestly say i would give anything to have her and i love her unconditionally oh btw i was a everyday drunk my sophmore year till the sept 2007 after my graduation so bout 3 1/2 years was real bad senior yr when i dumped my ex prob feb of senior yr. i have been sober since sept 15 2007! and have a clear head and now i just dont know what to do help me
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drunk, married man, money, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhoa whoa ok so im not using her for money by anymeans she pays half rent i pay half rent all water and all cilco. and yes you r right i may just be in love with the memory of my ex, and i have been appling everywhere from gas staions to walmart. I live in peoria illinois the head quarters of caterpillar and we have 3 large plants all layed of like 90% of the workers which in turn shut down the town every place is going out of bussiness so i am trying but easier said than done. she actuaaly only worked 2mnths out of the last two years ive supported her the whole time now she helps with just under half the bill. she attends school full time as will i when fall semester begins. and she knows all of this and just thinks im stressed and getting confused. and as for family i dont have any ive never known my father and my mother is an alcoholic whom i havent seem since i was 16. I just dont know i am just a confused little kid i think just wish i could figure everything out
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (22 April 2009):
 How are you sure that you love your ex when you havent seen her for 2 years? You are in love with the memory of her - the reality will be very different. The love you have for someone when you are at that age (still a teenager) is very intense and intoxicating, nothing compares to that sort of love. But unfortunately you cannot recreate that love now you are older - you have to accept that those feelings you had for her are in the past.
I am guessing that you have fallen out of love with your current girlfriend and what you are missing is real love, those feelings when you first meet someone....all that excitement and passion. You wont find this with your ex - it is all just a fantasy based on feelings you had years ago!
What you need to do is get a job and become financially independent. Be a man and start earning your own money! You cannot go through your whole life depending on other people to support you whilst you laze around wondering what might of been with your ex! Find any job you can, start saving some money and get a place of your own, or move in with friends/family.
If you dont love your girlfriend anymore and are not happy in the relationship then you need to end it now - stop being so selfish and realise that this girl is spending her money on you (really she is wasting her money on you!) and you are only hurting her by not being honest with your feelings.
You have a choice here - either you step up and be a man, come clean with your feelings to your girlfriend and get yourself a job; or you carry on living like this where you are unhappy and dependent on another person.
You did an amazing thing by giving up drinking and getting over your alcohol addiction so well done for that! Now use that same stregnth that you used to overcome that addiction and use it to sort your own life out! Become the man you know you can be, earning your own money and living a life that makes you happy.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (22 April 2009):
 Why don't you have a job? Like the previous poster said - move out into your parents place. Move in with a friend, do anything - just get out of there.
Look for a job, it doesn't have to be the job you intend to pursue as a career, get a casual job, get TWO casual jobs. Do whatever it takes to get yourself out of this terrible situation because it's not fair on your girlfriend emotionally or financially.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009): First off, congratulations on your sobriety! On to your question... okay you are torn between an old flame and your current girlfriend's money, right? Leave your current girlfriend. No where in your article did I hear mention of you having any feelings for her whatsoever other that you needing her money. Even if you don't get back together with your ex, move out. Get a job, and move out. Quit wasting your time and her hard earned cash.Once you get yourself on your feet financially and emotionally, THEN you can worry about the ex. You sound like you aren't all that proud of where you are in your life, so go ahead and change it! You have already made one major change in your life for the better (sober since sept. '07!) you can sure as hell do it again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009): Congrats on being sober so long. It sounds like you had a real alcohol problem, buddy. Well it sounds to me like there are a lot of pieces and mess left behind by your "reckless years", we'll call it. Problem is you might not be able to clean it all up. Some things just can't be fixed, once they are done, they are done.As to using your current girl for only her money, can't say I approve too much of that, but you gotta do, what you gotta do. Why don't you have an income? You have a diploma, and are a young able bodied male.. Eh. whatever.As to winning back your high school sweetheart, I think its important you get your life in order first. Otherwise, you could drag her down. The stoppage of drinking is a very good step in the right direction, but you still have things that need done.
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