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male
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*urbodyota
writes: I just recently got dumped by my girlfriend which she has done this one time before but she told me that her feelings have changed towards me that i should be with someone better and every girl would look for a guy like me but we are both young and she does have a child not by me, could she just be lost in her own ways. Her baby's daddy hasn't been there and she has told me out of her mouth that i have been there the most for the child but she told me that she didn't wanna see me, having anything to do and that i would be better off? What should i do? It has been a couple of days but i don't know if i should pursue her or just let her go. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2006): Hello Sweetheart, I'm sorry you are in this situation. It is very difficult to know whether your girlfriend is pushing you away as a 'test' because she has been hurt before, or if she genuinely wants to end the relationship because she doesn't want to be with you. If she is testing you, then you will need to show her that you think she is worth being with (i.e. that you are not going to bugger off with the first girl that comes along). You can do this not by being in her face all the time but by making sure she knows that you are not out with other girls. After a few weeks, she may feel able to trust you fully and give the relationship a chace, but you must be ready for this to happen again and again until she is 100% sure you are a stayer.
Of course though, there is always the chance that she just does want to end with you because she is not happy in the relationship, in which case you will need to respect her decision. The fact that she has a child does not mean that she should settle for someone she is not happy with just because he is a 'safe' option. I'm sorry that might seem harsh, but there is often an assumption that if a man accepts another man's child then the mother will fall gratefully into his arms. This is not a good basis of a relationship - she needs to want you for you, not how you treat her son. If you look in your heart of hearts you will find the answer I think.
Take some time to really consider if she loves you or needs you. If it was love, then give her space and let her learn to trust you. If it wasn't love, then let her go, and maybe you can try to be the friend to her that she might need more. I hope it all works out one way or another - please have faith that life will take you both where you need to go. Good luck xx
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female
reader, Taija +, writes (15 September 2006):
 hi there, i think the best thing you can do is not to push it. go away somewhere for a little while (1 week) and you will soon know after that if she still has feelings for you because if she does she will miss you. the worst thing that you could do is be in her face all the time saying sorry and asking to get back together etc. i hope this helps and im really sorry. good luck :o)
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