A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my bf a few months ago and we remained good friends. The problem is that I still have feeling for him and I am finding it difficult to move on. I decided that cutting off all contact with him would be the best way to get over him and so far it seems go be working but I am starting feeling really bad because I did tell him what I was planning to do and he is really upset (so friends tell me). I want to phone him to tell him what the deal is but I am worried that once I start talking to him again then I will be back to square 1.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): "Y doesn't he just forget about us and move on afterall he was the one dumped me. "
It was you that called him. Stop messing with his head and don't phone him again. I am not surprised he hung up when you didn't answer him on that question. You said you still have feelings for him, now you're saying you don't. He has a gf so leave him alone and move on yourself...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008): hello me again, I posted this question ( not sure how to do follow ups correctly) anyways I called him about an hour ago because although we had our ups and downs, he's a good guy and deserves for me to explain myself. We had a very brief chat and he asked me if I had a bf, when I refused to answer the question ( not his business) he put the phone down and won't pick up- I'm fine with that. I just hope I have not made things worse but I truely think I am ova him( I didn't get the normal butterflys, sweaty palms and dry throat). Now from what I hear he has a new gf so why did he get so upset when I won't give him details of my luv life? He said that he has been trying to ring me but been unable to get through. Y doesn't he just forget about us and move on afterall he was the one dumped me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008):
I don't think getting back in contact with him because you are feeling bad that he is really upset is a good reason at all to contact him. It sounds like you are more being driven by guilt, and a desire to "make him feel better" and that is because you still care about him.
If you have already gone a few months, don't want to get back together with him and also know he is still really upset then you are only going to make him worse. As you say, you'll be back at square one.
Maybe you can talk one day again, in the future, but not whilst he is still upset over you, and not whilst you still have feelings for him.
If you really want to make contact with him, why don't you write him an email or something, instead of phoning him up, out of the blue.
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male
reader, adamg25  +, writes (26 November 2008):
The only thing I can suggest is that you do what you want and need to do. Whether or not you tell him probably won't make a difference in your decision and will only make your judgment on your decision more clouded as it will stir things up. This is coming from a guy who was with a woman for the last 5 years living together and she left me a few months ago. It only hurts me everytime I hear her voice I am able to move on a lot easier withought her interfearing so I can only suggest you make yourself happy and he doesn't need to know what your doing. You left for a reason and he will eventually be ok with whatever you are doing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008): Unless you both mutually agreed it was over then I think you need to let him go. Its too raw yet for you guys to remain good friends so for the sake of both your sanity you need to leave things as they are. If you start talking again and explain what you are doing he will always be living in hope of when you decide you are 'over' him and will get back in touch, that just isn't fair to him.
It might seem cruel to not talk to him but its crueller to let him live in false hope.
take care
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008): You could be back to square one. I do agree it's better to cut contact completely.
Pity you didn't explain but its never too late. Could you just send a text but make it clear you don't want a reply and explain that it's the only way you can cope. Or a letter, or email?
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female
reader, samsmommy  +, writes (26 November 2008):
 I think sometimes it's better if you kind of stop hanging out with your ex so much (at first), but you probably don't have to completely stop all contact w/ him unless you really think you'll fall for him again &/or not be able to get over him at all. I would just call him and tell him, for all he knows this is a permanent thing. You might think about making it clear that it's only temp., & that it's only until you feel like you're ready to be friends with him again. I'm sure if he still wants to be friends with you he'll understand and be at least kind of okay with it.
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008): Dear Poster
I suggest you stick to your decision; he knows where and how to get hold of you if he really wanted to and yes, I think it is best to avoid contact for the time being; in time to come when your wounds have healed it might be a good idea to make contact and remain distant friend but for now, I think you are wise not to contact him.
It might be difficult and you might be tempted to, but avoid falling in the trap and stop trying to find excuses and ways to justify making contact. Don't listen to friends; stay level headed.
Best wishes and lots of smiles.
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female
reader, xxaziexx +, writes (26 November 2008):
 move on, if you feel you have to then you have to, dont run back too him especially if you feel your getting somewere.
however if you think/hope there is a slight chance of you two working things out, then call and find out :)
good luck
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