A
female
age
,
*ebbie12
writes:Just feeling a bit naughty I suppose. Soon I will be going out of town to San Diego for a 4 day class and conference. My husband has declined to join me so I am thinking of sharing a hotel room and bed with a very nice attractive young gentleman in the group who has offered to pay for the room. I am supposed to be rooming with another secretary but trying to debate which way to go. The gentleman and I do not work in the same office just for the same organization. We bump into each other on occasion and flirt and make small talk. Part of me would enjoy the slutty and naughty aspect of this and would love the attention and being made love to. Any others participate in this type of hanky- panky? Any advice?
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 May 2013):
 "Statistically almost 80% of men cheat at some point and 60% of women during their married life."
Not sure where you are getting those statistics because no reputable research has numbers even close to that. The last numbers I saw were around 30%, with no huge differences between men and women. It is not good to skew statistics to try to legitimize your cheating, as in if most people do it anyways, that makes it OK. Most people don't cheat on their spouses and it's never OK to do.
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (20 May 2013):
 You're old enough to know better!
Maybe you need more excitement at home? If this is the issue, address it with your husband. Having an affair will cause you no end of problems.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (20 May 2013):
 To quote one of my favourite lines from one of my favourite TV shows: I don't think 'no' is a strong enough word.
Don't ask us, we don't know you or your husband or the ins and outs of your relationship. Ask your husband instead if he thinks you should bang this man (sorry, but a slutty couple of nights in a hotel have nothing to do with love).
Look, if you are happily or at least contentedly married then don't throw it away over a fling. If your marriage is so bad that you feel like you have to look elsewhere, then file for divorce. There's never any reason or excuse for cheating, it's only ever selfish and cowardly.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): Statistically almost 80% of men cheat at some point and 60% of women during their married life. Some people say it, some never say it to anyone else, but that the fact.I travel 30% of the time, and sometimes it happen. Most of the time it doesn't happen, but it did happened on a few ocassions. it depends how you will feel after this. If you are going to feel incredibly quilty and will run to your husband to tell him everything,mthen by all means, don't do it. If you will treat it as a little adventure, that's a different story. No one will ever find out, and you will fast forget about it. What dangerous about this encounters that if people continue they can develop feelings, and this is completely different story. Thats when families breakConstant cheating is also can be dangerous. There are some spouses who cheat everytime they have a chance. Men chase every skirt, and women say yes to anyone who proposes. it is different from occasionally doing it.I had a friend who did it only once, and still talks about this little adventure of hers and laughs about it.
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female
reader, Debbie12 +, writes (20 May 2013):
Debbie12 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all responses:)
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (20 May 2013):
 I personally haven't ever done this nor would I ever. My sister however has and she is currently in the middle of a very nasty divorce.
So, I would consider if you are ready to handle the repercussions if your husband were to find out about your naughty/slutty time. How it would affect your kids if you have any, your job and anything having to do with your life really.
If you can live with the guilt of sleeping with someone else, possibly getting a divorce, hurting your husband and all for a night of "passion" with another man because your husband didn't want to go with you.
What if he decides to surprise you? I don't know about you, but if my husband were to sleep with someone while he was out of town I definitely wouldn't be okay with that. Would you?
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (20 May 2013):
 Ask your husband first.
Come back and let us know how well THAT goes down. We'll wait.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (20 May 2013):
 o.k. so you are wanting to cheat on your husband,and have blessings from other people to not fell any guilt? what about when the trip is over and you come back home to hubby? will you fell guilt then? will you be able to look him in the eyes, or try to avoid him from guilt and shame.
you may get away with it until reality hits home. sooner or later the weight of cheating will more than likely catch up with you. then what? you need to ask yourself is it worth it? is it worth throwing away a marriage, what you have invested, your trust with your husband? you need to ask yourself is it worth it. you can cross the fence, but you may not be able to cross back over.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 May 2013):
 Oh and NO ONE would get into that hot tub after that scene with BA and LL. It was just slimy! Ha!
That conference was in AZ at one of those lovely resorts with walkways around the hotel and pools and a hot tubs nestled into the hills. It was really pretty. I think LL wound up divorced. I think BA's wife was used to his 'ways.' Oh goodness, I hadn't thought about that scene for a while. What a laugh we had about them.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 May 2013):
Oh wow, yeah, I have seen people do this at conferences; they get outside the 50 mile limit and think no one will notice.
Ha, oh, I do remember the previously respected and now mocked gentleman BA and the previously respected and now mocked lady LL, both married, who thought they were being "discreet." They went at it in a hot tub and that scene has been talked about for YEARS. It was hilarious.
Oh and LG who was cheating on her husband with SC; they would slink all over the hotels where our trade association would have conferences. I even think there was one in San Diego. Beautiful city. No one was fooled, of course, they all knew LG's marriage was doomed. It was like watching a car wreck in slow motion. Annnndddd nooooowwww sheeeeee's gooooiiinnnggg inntttoooo SSSSCCCC'ssss hottteeelllll rrooooommmm *poof* marriage ended shortly thereafter.
I think to be honest that LG married SC after the divorce but we never quite looked at them the same way again. We were just waiting for someone to cheat again, they were so determined!
I remember I was approached once by some married guy at one of these conferences. He thought the 50 mile rule applied? I don't know. Whatever he thought, I made sure he knew exactly what the situation was and that no how no way ever would I sleep with some married guy at a professional conference. It was revolting. He had enough grace to apologize. I learned later his wife was pregnant. Somehow that was even worse. What a jerk.
Anyway, I guess you may be getting the point.
People will know. This stuff has a way of filtering out, especially when the hotel bill shows up for payment.
Unless you are hoping for a really nasty reputation at work and a divorce attorney search, I would focus on the reason you were selected to attend the conference in the first place.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): When the cat's away.... I am always reading advice on DC about taking the moral high ground and doing what is right and what is virtuous and honorable. Well, how about just letting loose and living in a fantasy for a night? What is wrong with that? Being with your husband day after day, year after year can get very, very, very boring!!! You cannot spice it up after so many years. No way can you ever do that. You might fool yourself into thinking you can or even feeling like that is the case for a very short time before it goes back to the same old boring routine. What is wrong with a little fun on the side with someone that excites you? A little fun hubby will never have to know about? OP is an adult. She will choose to do whatever she wants, regardless of what anyone here tells her. And if she is comfortable living with it, then she should do what she will. Many people stay in long term relationships for other reasons like money, kids, security, friendship. The passion always dies. So this is their way of having a best friend who is there for them but a sexy lover on the side that meets their physical desires. We all have them.Not sure if this will even get posted, because I am encouraging adultery but it is the truth.
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female
reader, Debbie12 +, writes (20 May 2013):
Debbie12 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not so much as asking permission, but rather was curious who else has done this and who might want to share. Thanks for the responses
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (20 May 2013):
 What the hell ..... coming here for permission from a bunch of strangers to have sex outside of your marriage?
Us telling you it would be a good idea doesn't make it so you know.
Tell your husband you want him to join you, tell him you see the four days away from home as an opportunity to connect again, tell him if he comes you will act slutty and naughty, just for him, tell him its a fantasy you have.
He might fall for it or he might not. For your sake I hope he does! If he doesn't spend your evenings away developing a strategy to get some spice back into your bedroom, the marital bedroom and tell the nice young gentleman thanks, but no thanks!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 May 2013):
No you shouldn't. It would be very selfish. How would you feel if your husband cheated on you while on a business trip? Assuming you are in a traditional monogamous marriage, you made vows to each other and you want to break these vows. This is a huge deal and you should not do it. You would break your husband's heart and ruin your marriage if he found out, and if he didn't find out, your whole marriage would now be based in a lie. Don't do it. Share a room with a secretary and stay away from this guy.
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