A
male
age
36-40,
*ian
writes:Hey all, My boyfriend and I had a great three year relationship going. I was his first true love, and things were heading toward commitment. Nothing seemed amiss. However, out of the blue, he just stopped wanting to be with me. He moved out of town, took his stuff, and "mutually" broke up with me. (It wasn't mutual)His excuse was that he wanted to experience more than just a first love - to prove that his feelings for me were true, and so that he knew he would want to commit. Thus, he was heading home (until August) to get his life in order, maybe meet someone, and you get the idea... but he "had to be single"...Well, he started sleeping with a mutual friend back in his hometown. While I was hurt by this, I understood his intention. I still was pissed off that this was happening (as the mutual friend said he would never...)However, it was when I wanted to discuss my needs, thoughts, feelings, etc. about the situation that he got angry at me and just cut me right out of his life.When I called to talk, he was with friends, and I said, "I am your friend and you should make some time for me, too." - He did. But he didn't listen. This was challenging, as the week before, it was like business as usual. He told me he loved me, etc. and I felt like I meant something again. Things were good.His excuse for not talking to me about my feelings was that "he didnt want me to make him feel bad so that I could feel better". That statement was quickly turned around on him, as I showed him exactly how he had done that to me, and how I just wanted some equality.That cry fell on deaf ears.Now, I know that my ex-boyfriend needs a lot of time to think about things, but he killed all ties to maintaining a friendship or more. I can't communicate at all with him, and I feel like I should leave this unhealthy relationship behind. (I love him, and still kinda want to wait it out,... im torn... I can't let him keep hurting me like this...)So, I wrote his father on Facebook, asking for his mailing address so that I could send my ex's stuff back to him, and to get him out of my life.No response.I also want my stuff back that my ex has with him, like a house/car key, and misc. clothing, etc.So what the heck am I supposed to do? Wait for my ex to come to his senses, and give a crap about me?Should I pack up his stuff, and forget him?I honestly believe his father is talking to him about saving our relationship, and thus has held off on sending me the address... and I don't know if I should be so dumb to continue to be hurt. I NEED ADVICE. ON THE WHOLE SITUATION. HELP!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, bobbles32 +, writes (8 March 2009):
 Spend some time with the Gals! It always helps. Whatever you do, keep yourself active, read optimistic books (preferably non-relationship orientated ones). Let yourself cry, because you're hurting.
Talking to someone about it gets the emotion out, lays everything down in a different perspective and sometimes deflates the actual issue.
It's a turning point in your life and you should be proud, this experience is going to make you a stronger person.
Wear yellows and light hues, they make you happy and a smile on your face attracts the right kind of man :)
Buy yourself flowers, the smell inspires happy thoughts and can promote happy dreams and prevent nightmares (it's been proven!)
Buy a body pillow if you don't already have one! They're super cuddly and comforting.
If all else fails, tackle a project (a blank canvas, an unpainted room) when you achieve something it gives you a sense of self worth and pride. It will help give you an extra boost. :)
A
male
reader, cian +, writes (8 March 2009):
cian is verified as being by the original poster of the question I think I agree with you, its time to move on.
I just kinda wish that it never got to this point. I've invested so much of my life in this relationship, that the possibility of another relationship with anyone may be years away.
Do you have any tips on getting over the feelings I have? - so that I can move on?
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A
female
reader, bobbles32 +, writes (8 March 2009):
From an onlooking perpective you should dump the guy and get it over with.
I don't respond to many posts but this one caught my eye because the exact same thing happened to me. It's very unhealthy for you to be stressing out over this stupid guy. He's missing out on you and he's (probably) going to come back to you but at the same time you need to look at what he's done to you, realize that he's capable of doing it again and figure out what's best for YOU.
It's really hard to leave someone you love while you still love them, but think of your sanity, your self esteem and your self respect. You deserve way better than this.
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