A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:About 16 months ago i found out my husband of seven years was having an affair, we also have young children together. currently we are working through it and trying to make the relationship work! im so low i dont know who or where to turn, i can't remember the last time i was genuinely happy, felt happy with myself and in my home.things are getting worse I am cutting myself off from my friends because I just feel like they are using me, im slowly pushing everyone away.Since the affair happend I cannot trust anybody at all, teachers, family and even friends. My children are everything to me and they are the only thing i am living for at the moment. I have nobody I can relate to and nobody I can talk to. partially this is my fault becuase i am pushing people away, it is becuase i am still hurting? or am i just a nasty person? I know I didnt deserve to get cheated on but its life isn't it? I'm honestly thinking about picking up my children and leaving this town and going far away and not telling anybody where I am, just for a fresh start with my children - the only people who matter to me. Why do I feel this way? how can I help myself? Thank you for reading x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): you are holding on to the only people you can trust and that is your kids. you know that they cannot hurt you so you distrust all the others.
is your hb still having his affair. did he stop. are you two trying to reconcile and you just cannot come to terms with his affair? you are not alone. just read the heartbreaking tales on this site.
please take it one step at a time. one day at a time. i know you cannot trust your hb right now. do you still love him? if you cannot see yourself healing and moving on, maybe you should consider leaving him. i just worry that maybe you wil lnot be able to cope with the kids alone and this all is just over whelming you. take a deep breath, and please make some notes. the pros and cons of leaving/staying.
this betrayal is going to hurt for a very long time. don't expect some miracle quick fix. it is not that simple. your hb needs to account for his betrayal nd you both need to identify why he strayed. do not allow him to shift the blame onto you and tell you ,you are the reason he cheated. he needs to be truthful and he needs to own his wrongdoing.
it is sad that you do not have anyone to turn to. what about relate- i have read some amazing storeis that they are able to help couples and maybe individuals. please try them for marriage and individual counselling.
take take it easy. cry and let out the pain. but please do not try to hold on to the kids and making it an unhealthy situation. love them yes, but also leanr to live a little. your life is precious and you deserve to be happy again. with out without the hb.
please think carefully and if your marriage is worth salvaging then work at it. if not, move on. it will be hard but you need to re build your life and also learn to start loving yourself.
good luck and hugs from me. you will survive this and you will move on.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 October 2009):
I think you're seriously despressed. This has obviously been a shock to you and has severly dented your confidence. Why don't you try talking to your doctor or a counsellor. You need to get all your emotions out of you and you need to understand them before you make such a big change. I know things look bad at the moment, and of course you feel that if youre husband can cheat, then your friends might hurt you as well. The only way to get all of your emotions into perspective is to talk about them. I think you need to make that your first priority. If you leave and move your kids, you're not facing the problem, you're running. And it will catch you because your husband will be able to find his kids so he can see them. Talk to someone first.
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