A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 28 and a successful engineer and have worked all my life to get this job that i love. im quite independent as i earn enough to live comfortably in the city.my boyfriend has asked me to live with him but in a town far from the city as he just got a job as an engineer in a mill located about 3 hours from the city.i will be working with him but in the company administration department, which is a downgrade from the high paced job and pay that im used to.he says he will also be giving me pocket money as much as my pay now just for my own security. i will probably be spending my days at home as a housewife as well, because he wants to get married this year too and start a family as soon as possible. all my expenses and everything i need will be provided by his company like cars and a comfortable house.this is something completely new for me as im not used to not working for everything i need. do you think i should leave my job and go with him?
View related questions:
money, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, powderedheart  +, writes (10 May 2008):
hi,
i suppose what i have to say in response to your posting is, that you should do things for yourself. what is important to you? do you want to pursue your career or do you want to make a sacrifice for love. like i guess the question is, what would make you the happiest. cause the worst thing is that you move for him and end up resenting him, causing a rift in the relationship and then... well, you know. do you think you could handle a long distance relationship at first to see how things go? so you can see if you can be without him. and how that makes you feel? actually i just re-read that again. 3 hours away? that's not bad at all. you cant make your relationship work with a 3 hour distance? yeah that's actually pretty brutal now that i think about it, especially when you're in love and you want to be with one another all the time. so. after my digression. i suppose what im trying to get at is, is this it for you? is this someone you want to be with the rest of your life that you will sacrifice your dream job to start a family with this man?
A
male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (10 May 2008):
It really depends on you! What do you think, how strong is your relationship, how long have you been exclusive, how much do YOU want a family? Do YOU want to get married?Classically, this is what women did. In the late twentieth century it went out of fashion, though with the current and projected US economy, you two will want to have a place to retreat to. Is either of your jobs at risk? If so, you might want to get all the dollars you can and then get together at the more stable location.You are both engineers(I am too), and we spend far too much time in our heads. Spend time meditating and feeling how it would be to live that way. Does it feel good? Will it let you spread your wings in a different way? Will it pave the way for you to set up a side business that you would like? Will you miss the city? Lots to deal with, and you will have to choose and take responsibility for that choice.As an exercise, plan an exit strategy if it doesn't work out. Something that you could both be comfortable with. I imagine you already spend weekends at his place, or does he come to the city? This is a significant lifestyle choice, and there may not be an easy return path. Take your time and follow your heart. Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008): You sound as though you may just be a tiny bit commitment phobic?You sound like a very strong independent woman, and as though the thought of being 'tamed' scares you. Like the motherhood response and everything. I mean, I'm sure you know that you don't have to become a housewife once you have kids, yet in your mind, it seems inevitable...Like a "Having kids, and husband = no more job, no more life, no more old me"I'm sure you've already talked to him about kids and everything, as you've obviously been together for some time.You know, my advice is simply, why rush? Take your time. Don't feel it's right? Having doubts? Well then walk a little slower and get your footing.If he is really the guy for you, then he will understand, and I'm sure he'll be willing to wait for you to be ready.
...............................
|
